Fearless Saoirse

Blogging Weirdness

2011-08-28T09:08:00.001+02:00

For some reason, I was having trouble publishing posts and I recently figured out how to get the last 2 to publish. Hopefully, I'll be publishing a few more soon. It's been an interesting summer with lots to report, and photos of the kids are filling the camera.

Love,

Jolene =)

Story Waters quote

2011-08-28T08:57:00.002+02:00

Here is a piece from Story Waters that a friend just posted to our Yahoo group. It feels like a celebration of Life, to me!

Freedom is not superior to limitation;
with this realization I am able to choose freedom.

Happiness is not superior to suffering;
with this realization I am able to let go of suffering.

Abundance is not superior to poverty;
with this realization my abundance flows.

Nothing is superior to anything;
with this knowing I step out from
hierarchy, competition, and struggle.

In this state I do not judge life;
therefore I do not feel separate from it.

I am so glad of the diversity in the world;
in its reflection I see my own freedom
to be whatever I wish to be.

We are not here to be one;
we are here to be many.

Through seeing that beyond this illusion we are all one,
we free ourselves to be the many.

I am not tied to any singular path to be a certain way.
I am diverse.
I am ever changing.
I am an explorer of All as truth.

Inner Work

2011-07-13T17:10:00.002+02:00

Sorry I haven't been keeping up on this blog.

For me, parenting is nothing short of a complete inner overhaul. I find that my children give me myriad opportunities to look at each one of my emotions, sometimes daily. In my estimation, the only choice is to stuff them or integrate them. Believing that integration will benefit my children and humanity to the greatest degree, I'm doing my best to let those emotions out of prison.

Been feeling like a little bodhisattva. Will there ever be a day of "enlightenment" in which everything is easy? I'll be dead that day, I guess. :-p

Wishing you delight!
Jolene =)

Why Unschool?

2011-06-03T19:15:00.004+02:00

This bit from a 17-year-old unschooling blogger is so sweet that I'm crying over here. To me, it just shows how I can best treat my child like a person, and contrasts with how the acceptable way of treating a child in mainstream culture is like treating them as less than a whole person.

Once, when I was just beginning to garden, a lecturer at the Northwest Flower and Garden Show reminded everyone in the audience that seeds and gardeners have the same goals. As a gardener, we don't have to fret and fuss so much, just make sure there is good soil, water and sunlight, and that seed, by it's own will and knowing, will GROOOOW!!!

We are happiest here in our house when I treat the children in my life the same way. I am real with them, I am thoughtful with them, I provide the basics (roof, food, clothes, love, friendship...) and trust them to succeed by following their hearts.

My children are learning all that they need to know to get where they want to go!

Love,
Jolene =)

Only Love

2011-05-16T16:27:00.007+02:00

Yummy toes!

Jasmijn makes herself heard...

...and gets results.

We got a trampoline!

Yummy balls!

Jasmijn wears her baby, too.

Saucy face!

Love is life.
All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.
Everything is, everything exists, only because I love.

Leo Tolstoy

Can you feel it?

2011-05-16T15:44:00.002+02:00

There are SO MANY things that we do not understand! (Are you still trying to?
It's not possible, you might as well give up now.) Or we can trust that THIS IS
A BENEVOLENT UNIVERSE... we are each a seed, and the universe is like the gardener. Both participants in this relationship want the same thing: for the seed to grow.

Just have faith...
Trust...
Believe...
Forgive...
Open...
Yes...
Follow your gut...

All of these statements point to the truth. Can you feel it?

Love,
Jolene =)

Checking in with Myself

2011-03-31T20:11:00.002+02:00

You know that way that children have of expressing their needs as if each one is an emergency and must be addressed NOW!? It sends me into a panic. My stress level rises immediately, and I've been known to raise my voice at them or shush them angrily just because I know it's not an emergency and I'm peeved that they stressed me so.

In my better moments, what seems to get me through, without having a tantrum of my own, is to plant my feet firmly on the ground and center myself by focusing on my torso (stomach area... but it moves) and ask, "Is there anything I really need to take care of before responding to my child?" Usually the answer is "no" but just asking helps immensely, because I've given myself the space and opportunity to take care of myself and choose.

Jolene =)

Baby Love

2011-03-25T19:51:00.006+01:00

We've been having a few warmer days without rain!

Aurora needs to be in my arms constantly, as if the world is going to end in minutes if I am not there... but we managed to get this sweet picture with John. Quick, before she notices what happened!

Jasmijn enjoys her baby sister, is extra clingy to me since Aurora's birth, and is sometimes jealous, but mostly so sweet, hugging and helping.

Joran is such a serious big brother! He loves Aurora so much and loves to hold her. He was soooo proud of himself one day when he carried her around while I was putting on my shoes.

Some Photos

2011-03-15T01:11:00.002+01:00

Aurora

Joran with the box of Legos he picked out from the wall in their store.

Joran admiring his bat Bionicle creation.

Aurora in the sling

Celebrating Candy!

2011-03-14T21:59:00.005+01:00

We picked Daddy up from the office and ended up at the mall candy store. Jasmijn let out a gleeful squeal upon arrival, "Caaandy stoooore!" Delightfully unforgettable!

John, Joran and Jasmijn loaded up. I knew I'd get a few tastes here and there, so I didn't choose any. I'm more of a pastry and chocolate person, anyways.

John's candy was gone before we got home, but Jasmijn and Joran ended up spreading theirs out, counting it, sorting it, designing creatures with it.... I'll be reporting this on Joran's homeschool Student Learning Plan. I think it'll qualify for math and art, at least.

Love,

Jolene =)

Personal Style

2011-03-14T18:32:00.002+01:00

Why does my daughter have a mind of her own?!

I picked out this oh-so-cute outfit for her to wear, but she adamantly refused!

And then she picked out the little number she has on below...
Admittedly also very cute... and she even sort of coordinates with her brother. But... whine, whine, whine... I want to just dress her up the way I want to dress her up.

I need to buy a baby doll of my own!

I love TV!

2011-03-11T20:55:00.002+01:00

The title of this post could be deceptive... and a bit strange if you know me. I don't watch much TV. What I do watch is mostly because I happen to be watching with my husband, children or other friends. On top of that, I didn't have a TV during much of my childhood, what I did get to watch was often controlled (adults get priority, sometimes 30 minutes was the limit "because TV's not good for you," etc...), and there was always some background voice telling me what a bad influence TV was. I think the main reason I didn't watch TV into adulthood was because of those background voices. I felt guilty whenever I sat down to watch, because I felt that I was wasting my time.

But thank goodness I got married and had kids! First my husband's passion and then my children's forced me to change my opinion completely. Now, I appreciate the television for being a window to the whole wide world without actually having to go there. Through TV, I also have access to other people's visions, ideas, imaginations, passions, etc... without having to leave my front door, either. How great is that!

I used to only really appreciate "educational" shows, such as you might find on PBS, but now I even appreciate Spongebob! Have you ever really payed attention to that little guy? What a great value system! He's loyal, hard-working, creative, entrepreneurial, friendly, cheerful, not afraid to show his feelings, honest, uplifting, fully authentic... he doesn't let "reality" get in his way, and employs a real get-er-done attitude. Oh, and he's FUNNY!

I've heard some people say that watching TV is a mindless activity. Some people say that it's not good for us, because our brains are usually in Alpha mode rather than in active Beta mode. I've read a bit of research on this and can understand some concern about how advertisers may be able to affect us when our brains are in a "meditative" Alpha state, but I'm still not convinced on that, because the research isn't reflecting our real lives... not the real life we're living in this house, anyways. What I have seen in myself is that I am thinking a lot while I watch TV, analysing the information that's coming in and asking all kinds of questions that I will later use to do further thinking and exploration on my own. As for my children, I see them watch a little TV and then start asking me questions about what they see and playing out what they've seen, reinventing it, adding to it, creating something new based on an idea from TV.

It's not that we have the TV on all the time in this house. There are still some times when I ask John to turn it off or come in the other room with me when I'm wanting company without the background noise and distraction. He honors that need. Honoring everyone's needs is part of a joyful life.

Which leads me to the fact that my time is up here on this blog as Joran has asked me to do something with him, but just one parting statement...

TV is totally tube-ular!

=P

Worthiness

2011-02-27T16:40:00.002+01:00

It just occured to me that having children has really helped me develop a sense of worthiness.

The reason for this is that my children ask for everything and want to follow their hearts' desires, and I want that for them. So, I have a sense that they are worthy. As I see them as worthy, I cannot help but see myself as worthy, because they are no different from me. I also used to be a child, with so many desires, and I deserved to skip along, fulfilling my hearts desires, and I deserve to do so now and throughout my life.

Love,
Jolene =)

Winter Break

2011-02-24T20:19:00.005+01:00

We're all snowed in and our 6yo neighbor comes over to keep us company. Just in time! Joran's no longer restless and I'm blogging peacefully downstairs with Jasmijn playing nearby and Aurora sleeping in the sling.

Appreciating little boys who trapse through the snow to see a friend!

A little later, they're so excited to go outside that grabbing sleds takes priority over grabbing warm clothes:

And then they throw a Zombie Party in which I attend as a Voodoo Witch...

And everyone has a swingin' time!

Stumbling

2011-02-23T02:07:00.005+01:00

It's been one of those days, peppered with some aggravation with Joran. He torments Jasmijn here and there, he cries and whines about perceived unfairness, he uses mean words against Jasmijn and I.... I work my way through the frustration and anger, trying not to be mean myself. Then, towards the end of the day, he stumbles over something most people would have seen in front of them, and he splats down on the floor. As he cries out in pain, I suddenly remember all of the other little accidents throughout the day. I understand what is going on, and my eyes fill with tears of compassion.

Joran feels "off balance," literally and figuratively. The sensory input he gets is too much or too little: lights are too bright, noises too loud, the curb was closer than he thought, he didn't see the book on the floor.... We all have these moments, but imagine it multiplied into almost every moment in motion! It's no wonder Joran usually wants to stay home in his familiar environment. It's no wonder his behaviors sometimes seem rude, disrespectful, aggressive or even violent. He's trying extra hard to control his life, because there's a little extra that feels out of control for him.

I don't think he's alone. I know a lot of adults who have similar sensitivities, but have adapted to these sensitivities. In fact, we're all a little quirky. As adults, we're free to avoid most situations that make us uncomfortable. For children, this is a different story. Children are at the mercy of adults' decisions, and it is an adult's world. Besides, quirkiness isn't always acceptable (especially in an environment that depends on children behaving and progressing in a more predicable fashion, such as school). Among children, I don't think my son is an anomaly at all. I imagine all children feel small, helpless and out-of-control in a world that is often confusing and overwhelming even for adults.

For these reasons, I don't "punish" my children. The world holds enough natural consequences as it is. Not to mention the punishment of having a frustrated mother. Instead, I try to use the moment as an opportunity to practice unconditional love. I talk to my kids, I try to offer guidance, I reach for creative solutions for everyone's gain, I give in as much as I can, because I am the adult who chose to bring them into the world, which puts me in a position to be responsible for my own needs, and to facilitate the fulfillment of theirs as much as possible. I try to be an example of a person living life the way I think is best... happily.

I don't go for rewards, either. My son has demonstrated more times than I care to admit that he can outsmart any reward system I put in place. Nor would I want to set up a system that supports lies and manipulation in our relationship. In any case, my efforts to manipulate him through punishments or rewards will teach him that using physical or intellectual power to dominate others is okay. Not really the way to a more compassionate, partnership-based world.

This responsibility that I put on myself brings me to the Nuclear Family Dilemma. So far, it feels impossible to get everyone's needs met under this model. The best I can do is try to gather a close-knit community of friends, neighbors, family and other teachers and coaches around me. I can't say I want to live in a tribe, either. I like globalization, at least its many positive aspects. I think humanity is advancing and evolving... I'm just not sure how it's all going to work out. So, I keep stumbling forward.

Maybe I'm like Joran in this way, stumbling about in unfamiliar territory. I want to do things differently from how they were done when I was a child. I want to trust myself through this process rather than following someone else's prescription. I'm always seeking to walk the path according to my own power and confidence. Yes, a lot like Joran.

For me, it's an exercise into a special sort of Awareness. Feeling into all my feelings for the best action in each moment. Sometimes that means continuing to just be with those feelings and accept the situation as it is. I practice appreciation and compassion as much for myself as for my children. I practice squinting my eyes just right to see myself in each of my children and to see the perfection in us all. I practice this everywhere I go, with everyone I meet.

Humbly Yours,
Jolene =)

Joran's Second Set

2011-02-22T18:57:00.002+01:00

Joran lost his first 2 teeth within days of eachother. They just fell out of his mouth, no blood. Yet another sign that he's growing up!

Honestly, I'm really seeing big changes in his character and behaviors. Is it because he's now 6? Is it the effect of a new baby sister? Is it just time? We've entered a new phase.

On Positivity

2011-02-22T18:48:00.005+01:00

I was commenting to a friend recently about how positive she is, and I loved her response:

"Oh, I tried the other way, and that was crummy!"

These photos turned out pretty well. Jasmijn's just focused on her candy.

Food is Good!

2011-02-22T18:44:00.002+01:00

Jasmijn just leaned her head back and sighed a deeply satisfied, "Yummy!" So sweet!

Time Slipping Away

2011-01-31T18:02:00.004+01:00

Here is the famous clock of the English Garden in Geneva. Picture taken by my cousin during her 2009 visit. Jasmijn on my back. The bike was a free rental, one of Geneva's many delights (it appears this one was sponsored by McDonalds).

I like that the numbers on this clock are falling off. Gardeners change the clock seasonally, and it's usually about the flowers, but this one was different.

Have you ever played with the notion of creating time? You know how sometimes time seems to fly by and other times just drag, and some days you can get all kinds of things done in so little time and other days you feel overwhelmed by only a few tasks which somehow don't get finished? It seems that when we're in our groove, time doesn't matter. I wonder how much of a part we play in this thing called Time.

Small children have no sense of time. There is only Now. The worlds greatest philosophers and spiritual leaders tell us and have always told us ("throughout all time") that the secret to life is living in the now. Our greatest power lies in this moment. There is really nothing else.

I can grasp that. All truth and reality is now. Once this moment has passed, it is just a story, a figment of our imaginations. Even this moment can be a figment of our imaginations... but somewhere, deep inside, I can feel the reality behind it all.

Loving Yourself

2011-01-28T17:41:00.003+01:00

Everything is more beautiful when you love yourself!

What does loving yourself mean to you?

For me, loving myself is knowing that I am worthy of all of the good things in my life, without having to do anything in particular to keep receiving them. There's no question of whether or not I've been good enough to deserve healthy and beautiful children, a loving husband, a good home, caring friends and neighbors, a healthy body, a pretty garden, lovely clothes, and on and on....

I hope you have the life you want!

You deserve it!

Happy Holidays with a New Baby!

2011-01-03T00:16:00.013+01:00

Welcome Aurora Sapphire! December 18, 2010

Aurora was born at home in Woodinville, as planned. With impeccable timing, I started contractions on December 17, the evening my parents arrived at the airport. In fact, I was in the middle of one when I spotted my mother near the baggage claim -- that was a weird moment. Valerie of Puget Sound Midwives and Birth Center, the wonderful midwife who also caught Joran, arrived around midnight, and Aurora arrived at 2:50am, after a well-paced labor. No broken toilets this time! We were able share a few good stories and jokes, though!

Jasmijn and my father slept through the entire night, but Joran was so excited that he stayed up to meet his new sister! My mom stayed up with him -- what a sweet time for them. Joran tried to hide his excitement at first, and this made him even sweeter to watch! John was able to support me all through the labor, which was different from Jasmijn's birth -- he was with Joran then and the labor went so quickly that he barely ran upstairs in time for the birth. Interestingly, I didn't want anyone near me during labor with Jasmijn anyways, so that was perfect, too.

Anyways, at around 3:30am, the midwives told me "the boys are crashed out in the livingroom."

My favorite story of the day will probably always be something Joran told me after everyone was awake again. With 2 big thumbs up, he said with the most loving grin, "Good job, Mom!" (Then he added, "And there wasn't even any blood." Well, he doesn't have to know about that.)

Happy!

Aurora has the same frown as Jasmijn... we thought it came from Geneva... I guess it's in the genes.

Acrobatics... and Jasmijn looks on from behind.

Jasmijn pushing Joran on the swing.

Jasmijn likes to point out Aurora's eyes, nose, mouth, fingers and toes.

They are both so excited and sweet with their new sister!

Such tenderness.

Oops! Flipped the photo, but here's Jasmijn helping to change Aurora's diaper (she unsnaps the jumper and hands me wipes).

So wise.

"What is this thing on my head?"

Jasmijn's just tickled pink and asks to hold Aurora several times a day.

I knew I'd get requests for photos of me, so here's the best one I could find.

Joran's ready for the snowball fight!

Grandma builds a snowman with Jasmijn.

Sledding behind our house. I stay inside, but I get lots of laughs from watching my family!

Happy New Year!

Everyone loved Joran's long hair, but he didn't like the tangles, and the brushing was too painful, so I cut it off!

Playdates

2010-12-03T22:52:00.003+01:00

Hey, I wrote this several months ago, but still find it interesting and relevant. The only difference is that I now have a couple babysitters and Joran participates in 2 outdoor classes, one of which I drop him off at for 4 hours. I'm so thankful for Joran's enjoyment of these and the regular playdates we have.

Since we don't go to school, playdates are how we do most of our socializing. We get together with other homeschoolers and unschoolers, and also a few friends who are not full-time school, yet, and we really appreciate that they make time for us, too. Hopefully, even after school is in full swing, we can still have afternoons together here and there.

Playdates work well for Joran. He's always seemed to play best one-on-one. While living in Geneva, we tried a few classes with Gymboree and Little Gym, and Joran always complained about there being too many other kids around. Several times, he teamed up with just one other and they did their own thing during the class. Other times, he even managed to get the whole class to follow his creative direction over the instructor's. One time the instructor just looked at me, after deciding to go with Joran's Volcano Adventure, and said, "Well, he certainly is a leader." People are constantly commenting to me about his creativity. So, as his parent/life facilitator, I try to do more of what seems to work and not force anything that I think is a good idea when Joran clearly dislikes it.

Living this lifestyle only becomes tough when I don't get my own tank filled and end up feeling exhausted keeping up with my children (okay, mostly Joran). Can't say I'm sure what to do about that. It would help to find someone who can play well with my kids while I go off to have peaceful time on my own. I haven't gotten to that, yet. Kind of waiting for a magical manifestation, a Fairy Godmother of sorts. This is another reason why playdates work well. By this time, Joran is comfortable enough to stay at a playdate without me. Good idea.

I've noticed that Joran seems quiet and may play by himself when he first goes to a new house, but as he gets more comfortable, his more exuberant nature comes out. He may even start to test limits of me and others. At home, he tends to feel a little territorial. With boys, he must feel competitive, because I often get the impression that he is trying to show off. He seems more competitive with boys closer to his age and more willing to give in to boys a year or more older than him. Things can get very rowdy when his guy friends are over.

With girls, he's more sweet and gentle. He likes to show them his house, his toys, his books, but there's not the sense of competitiveness. It's the same with Jasmijn; sometimes he doesn't want her around, but he's mostly caring, playful and watchful of her. We go through phases.

As for Jasmijn, she loves playing with Joran, and sometimes gets into playing with others, but will mostly do her own thing or hang out with me. She's definitely "easier" in the sense that she doesn't demand my interaction as much as Joran did at her age or does now. They are so different!

Jolene =)

Thanksgiving Snow

2010-11-26T02:55:00.008+01:00

Thanksgiving snow is pretty unusual in this area, but John is in his element. For me, I stay inside and just come out to take pictures, but it sure is fun to watch them having fun.

Working hard on the first snowmen of the year.

I can hardly believe it, either, but Joran was pushing this snowball around on his own. It got even bigger and started to roll down the hill towards the house before he stopped it!

Of course, Joran wanted an alien-like snowman. He said the twisted willow branch was the snowman's pee-pee. He's 5 1/2 and fascinated with all types of potty talk.

Snowball at mommy!

Now for a real fight!

A couple of hummingbirds are sticking around for the food we leave, making sure it's thawed for them each morning. I see them more now in the snow than in the summer, when there is so much more food around. Now, they only have one place to go.

Potty training -- I know it has nothing to do with Thanksgiving or snow, but it's notable, and a cute picture! Jasmijn runs around naked most of the time, sometimes with a shirt, sometimes with just shoes. She loves all of her various shoes -- girl after my own heart!

We are thankful for:

snow

our beautiful, warm house

a gas fireplace and a wood-burning stove

dinner

lots of indoor entertainment

a passionate, creative family that laughs a lot

friends

the telephone

the newpaper and all the ads

a bouquet of flowers

the internet

water

brisk, pine-scented air

our rooster

Facebook (where you can see more pics)

everything, everything, everything!

Love,

Jolene =)

No Rules

2010-11-23T22:49:00.005+01:00

There are no rules here.

We're trying to accomplish something.

~Thomas Edison~

Teaming Up

2010-11-15T16:40:00.005+01:00

I love this! Two beautiful children against the backdrop of the environment we love!

Joran and Jasmijn are becoming quite a team. The other day, "Jazzy" refused to hold my hand while out running errands, and would only hold Joran's hand. Joran was proud to lead. He has on-and-off days with her, sometimes wanting to play with her all day, and sometimes wanting to be left alone. She copies everything! He suggests some action, and she jumps to it. He teaches her every bit of "toilet talk" that he knows. It's great to see them loving eachother, in any case.

I did say she copies everything!

So funny the way Jasmijn just doubles over in laughter!

Teaming and scheming again...

I don't think Daddy can move on these hardwoods now.

In other news, I am also doing well, though gaining more weight than the other pregnancies and feeling some discomfort, but the exhaustion and nausea have lifted... mostly. I haven't felt motivated to garden as the weather has turned cold and my body disagrees with all the bending, squatting, pulling and loading. I've looked into hiring help there, but haven't given in, yet, preferring to do things myself in my garden. And in my home. We now have 2 homeschooling babysitters, so I'm getting more time to relax and have peaceful moments. Well, I don't always relax. For example, I've taken to cleaning my own home again, which I find very comforting. I get to all those cobwebs and the little pockets where dust and crumbs can hide for ages, and it feels like I'm clearing corners where energy has gotten stuck.

Speaking of cleaning and clearing, I'm studying ho'oponopono, the ancient Hawai'ian problem-solving technique. It's really simple and pretty much all about taking 100% responsibility for everything in my experience and then "cleaning" it by filling it with love. No special exercises, processes or extensive studying. The key phrase, which is like the ho'oponopono mantra or meditation for cleaning, is "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you."Just saying "I love you" works, too. I can speak this to The Divine in reference to the problem, recognizing that everything I experience, even if it's just on the news, is a reflection of a subconscious program, which I share with the people who are directly involved with the problem. No one is at fault, but we are all responsible. We are all One. "I love you" is becoming background music to my life. It's so simple and lovely, I don't know how else to describe it.

Love,

Jolene =)

Blissful Day!

2010-10-22T05:20:00.005+02:00

Meditating on a sunny summer morning, 2010

What a wonderful day it was (yesterday)!

We started out with Wilderness Awareness School, where Joran gets to romp through the woods with 13 other children and 5 instructors. He played memory games with native plants, created a medicine pouch, collected lichen, steeped lemon balm tea over the outdoor fire and found the flavor delicious, and came home with a small chunk of beeswax, which I can't get enough of -- delicious smell.

While Joran was in class for 4 hours, I was connecting with my new Wilderness Awareness community and walking slowly through the woods with Jasmijn. The smells of moss, woodland soil, and even centipedes were delightful. We marveled over the many different types of dirt under the trees and meditated on seats of log, root and stone.

After class, I was going to drop off one of Joran's classmates with her mama, but then her mama called and offered to meet us at a local park with food, so we settled in at the playground and enjoyed the entire warm afternoon until dusk!

We all came home so relaxed and John built a fire in our stove. Joran and Jasmijn each took bubble baths and our neighbor, Liam, came by for a little more playtime, but Joran was so relaxed that I hardly heard a peep from them as they focused on new Lego creations. Ahh, the sweet life!

To finish off my day, I found an e-mail from Joran's OT, who was expressing her understanding for my concerns and willingness to revamp our sessions. The better it gets, the better it gets!

Love,

Jolene =)

Mommy Never Gets Frustrated

2010-10-18T00:51:00.008+02:00

It sure is fun playing with you, Joran!

Joran and I have our fair share of head-butting, but the other day, I got notice that I'm doing better than I thought.

We were in session with Joran's occupational therapist, who often tries to get him to do things he doesn't want to do. In an effort to get him to bend to her will, she said something along the lines of, "It would make your mommy and I so happy if you did this. You don't want me or your mommy to be frustrated, do you?" Joran's quick response was, "My mommy never gets frustrated!" (Jolly laughter bursts forth from my belly!)

Thanks Joran!

And just for the record, we also think it's kind of "weird" (Joran's description) that the OT is trying to get Joran to follow her directions because "it will make us happy" (emotional manipulation?). I really try to respect my children's freedom, which I consider to be their birthright. I feel that by going to this clinic, I have gained a better understanding of Joran's behaviors and needs so that I can support him to a more joyful life, fully allowing who he is to shine. So, I'm frustrated with this new development of pressuring Joran to work on certain tasks that he is very resistant to. To me, the resistance is a sign that he's just not ready. I'm concerned that pushing him to do things he's not ready for will ultimately errode his self-confidence. So, we're in the process of reevaluating the need to continue this therapy.

Overall, we're chugging along at a nice clip over here. And wishing you all much happiness!

Jolene =)

The Fungus Among Us

2010-10-10T18:10:00.009+02:00

Polypore, shelf-like mushroom growing on fallen tree

I will never forget this mushroom! We were out with Nature Explorers, a class provided through our local homeschool support center, focusing on mushrooms that day. Joran was having a tough time navigating his emotions, social anxieties, etc.... This included lots of screaming, shouting and general grumpiness for a period of time. It was an interesting practice for me in staying centered while he worked it out. Sometimes Joran takes his energy out on me, pushing, pulling, shoving, angry words, etc..., but I was not willing to do that with him this day. He started taking his frustrations out on the forest instead. Much appreciation to the forest from Mommy for that!

After a bit, the group stopped and circled up to listen to the instructor's story of the day. We sat apart while Joran continued processing. It was pretty easy for me to just hang out on a fallen log while Joran did what he needed to do. Jasmijn wanted to explore, too. As I was just chilling and glancing around, Joran found the Polypore mushroom in the picture above, attached to the log I was sitting on.

My astounding discovery about this mushroom was that it can bear the impact of a raging 5-year-old boy! Joran was jumping on the mushroom like it was a springboard, with as much force as he could muster, certain that he would break it off. It never happened! Pretty soon, he realized that this was a pretty cool tough mushroom and started studying it. The energy exerted and then the focus the mushroom attracted from him was just enough to shift his attitude back to positive curiosity, and we got back to following the group, finishing up the 2-mile hike, and even enjoying another relaxed hour with a classmate and his mom, picking blackberries, hunting bugs, hiding under trees.... Thanks Polypore!

Parenting is a practice. We'll never get it done, it's constantly unfolding. We're constantly growing, understanding ourselves and our children in new ways.

In our culture, worrying about our children is part of being a "good parent." I'm learning that this is a flawed premise. We try so hard to help them that it just leads to overprotective, paranoid parenting. When we can't figure out how to help them, we feel powerless or angry that they are not cooperating or behaving the way we want them to behave. It's actually better for me, and therefore, better for my children when I remain centered, stable, happy, even when they are way off balance.

The day with Nature Explorers provided a perfect example. So many factors collided for Joran during those two hours. Joran wanted to play with a couple of the boys, but did not know how to join in or feel confident in following my suggestions. Once we started on the trail, Joran seemed aloof, wanting to do his own thing, not gather near the instructor with the other children. We found a cool bug, and while Joran was looking at it, another child grabbed it to show the instructor. Joran felt so angry about this and started talking about revenge. He doesn't normally take this out on other child, but instead turns to me with complaints and acting on his frustrations.

So, one thing piled up on him after another. Another student got a lot of attention for finding a frog. Everyone gathered around to hold the frog, but Joran tends to back off when there's a crowd. He wanted to see and hold the frog but didn't feel comfortable squeezing in or waiting until the commotion died down. He liked the idea of looking for another frog, but wasn't willing to initiate a search. He became obsessed with the idea of finding a frog, but more focused on the fact that he didn't have one, he was not willing to search on his own or stick close to me to catch one if I saw one. As the group continued through the forest, Joran escalated to screaming, shouting, starting to push and pull me, but I would not participate with this. He redirected to stomping, kicking and pulling on rocks, dirt, decaying wood and plants.

Through all of this, I focused on staying connected to well-being. I know Joran is also fun, curious, highly intelligent, loving and powerful. I held these beliefs in my mind as we kept moving along. I also reminded myself that I could choose happiness no matter what he was doing. Having fun in nature comes naturally, so I kept looking for frogs, enjoying the beautiful trees, feeling good about my own strength and agility, laughing about the adventure in it all. There I was, 7 months pregnant, toddler riding on my back, slipping in the muddy pools populated by frogs, and perfectly happy!

It feels good when I don't make my son responsible for my feeling of well-being. I'm also glad that my belief in myself as a good parent doesn't depend on his happiness. Most of the time, I have no idea what we look like to other people. So, another big part of my practice includes letting go of attachment to other people's opinions. In any case, I find that many times, what they think of us is yet another figment of my imagination.

Blessings!

Jolene =)

Into the Woods

2010-09-30T16:02:00.007+02:00

Our Labor Day visit to Cannon Beach, Oregon

We took our wagon to pull the kids around, so Joran could sit sometimes, too. It was such a great idea over a stroller. Sometimes, with Jasmijn's help, we didn't get very far, very fast, though.

Recapping the day's explorations. Still much to discover.

What successes we have had this month! A few months ago, during the summer, I pledged to myself to begin more activities that would fulfill Joran's needs and my own. Not an easy task with such different personalities, basically boiling down to his desire to stick with familiar situations, away from new people and environments, juxtaposed to my desire to socialize and build a broader community network. But I was determined!

One of the challenges was to make the right choices without input from Joran, knowing that we might have to push through many awkward moments in order to find the right activities and people. It may seem strange not to ask him if he wants to take a class or go to a new playdate, but I've learned that he will always give a negative response until he understands what the experience is. He has no way of understanding the experience until he's tried it, and he often needs to get over social anxieties before he can truly have fun. The question for me is to what extent do I push him to engage? I have to ask if I am pushing him to do something that he's genuinely not ready for, or am I pushing him to do something he will love once he gets over his anxieties.

First, we met a wonderfully wise occupational therapist who answered a lot of my "why" questions. She taught me why Joran needs so much BIG, full-contact play. She taught me why he resists certain activities whether it's about being around other people or about using certain muscle groups. And she showed me how I can facilitate and encourage getting his needs met at home and out-and-about. She's given me the gift of understanding, where I was previously confused about Joran's behaviors. Now I can just BE with Joran, allowing and accepting of so much more. Now that I feel so trusting of his behavior, I am able to focus more on getting my own needs met, also.

Next, we started going to a local gymnasium for open gym trampolines, tumbling, sliding, etc.... Joran loved the open gym and I got to meet up with other moms. I was always right there on the gym floor with him, and there were never more than 10 people there (usually 6), so even though there were always different people, Joran was able to avoid what he needed to avoid and enjoy great fun otherwise. Being "open gym" also meant that he could follow his own pace, not the instructor's agenda.

Seeing how excited he was about open gym inspired me to sign him up for the trampoline/tumbling classes, because open gym was going to change schedule once school started. I love that I can make these decisions and know that there are always options. After a couple classes, it was pretty clear that the class demanded too much structure. Joran needs freedom to guide himself in a safe environment and to navigate away from social interaction when he becomes overloaded. We were able to transfer our class payment to use on future open gyms. Lesson learned, problem solved.

Then came the best decision ever! We started Wilderness Awareness School. My biggest concern was about leaving Joran in a class by himself -- would I be able to attend until he was confident there on his own? I don't believe in leaving my emotionally overwhelmed child in the hands of someone who is a stranger to him, no matter how confident I am in this person. If he needs me, he needs me, and I believe he'll go off on his own when he's ready. So, I was pretty happy to hear that they invited parents to attend the first 4 classes. I felt this would be good enough for Joran.

The first day was emotionally exhausting for me, which is no surprise. There were over 20 people there, and a lot of the early time was spent indoors going over safety and procedures. Boring stuff for my 5-year-old, even when it's presented in a "fun" way. He really wanted to leave, would not speak to anyone, including other children, and would not participate in the program at all. Finally, we went out on an adventure through the woods, so this was more fun, but by the time I got everyone back in the car, I seriously needed some TLC. Fortunately, Joran and Jasmijn fell asleep right away.

In the next 2 weeks, Joran started talking with both instructors and children, and even playing away from me, going on little adventures into the woods with another adult. During the 3rd class, he was okay with me going for a 20-minute walk and meeting up with him and the group later. The success of this wilderness class was not just about the choice of activity, but also about the instructors, who have been fully understanding of Joran's needs.

The final test was yesterday during the 4th class, when the children were expected to leave on an adventure without the parents. Joran had said he did not want me to go, and his behavior was reflecting that, but I was amazingly calm and open. Most of the children went off on the adventure, and Joran still refused to part with me. One of the instructors talked with him for a while, pulling out all kinds of creative ideas and soothing words, and what it finally came down to was that she challenged him to a race to the pond. She declared that she didn't think he could beat her, even if she were running backwards! Ah-ha! Joran was off and running, and didn't look back once as I watched them round the bend. Backwards running over a rugged forest path is also good for laughs!

When I returned 2 1/2 hours later to pick up Joran, he greeted me with a running hug and exclaimed, "I did everything for myself!" He was so proud and confident and happy! Even when he tried to put on his "tough guy" attitude later, he could not hide the twinkle in his eye or the smile on his face.

Luckily, I've also learned about Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence through an advisor/teacher at a local homeschooling support center. One of the things I read was that bodily-kinesthetic learners feel compelled to express all of their thoughts and feelings through their bodies. This explains why living with Joran can feel like a full-contact sport. I've learned why Joran loves to be dragged around on the floor, have pillow fights, snuggle up in his cacoon-like swing, crash into a pile of pillows, fall, tumble, and stumble onto the floor, into a wall, and into another person and so on. And finally, with this knowledge, it felt easy to understand and be patient when he needed to crash into me, shout, climb around the car, spin around, or fall on the ground after his big day on his own at Wilderness Awareness School.

So, what have I gotten out of all this, personally? Lots of time with other moms, a few new friends, and a more fun home.

I also have to shout out a big "Hooray!" for Liam, our 6-year-old neighbor. He and Joran run wild together, usually outside, and otherwise creating big adventures indoors.

Life is good!

Jolene =)

Openness

2010-07-14T16:04:00.006+02:00

...trust in the living quality of basic energy. -- Pema Chodron

Every pregnancy is different. With Joran, our first child, it was easy to feel excited, confident in my ignorance. With Jasmijn, I so headstrongly desired a second child and a homebirth, despite our unfamiliar life in Switzerland. My confidence was like a steel blade, cutting through any doubts, ready to face any challenge.

Now with the third pregnancy, I have lost my resolve. I seem haunted by unfamiliar fears almost daily.

How will my health stand up? What if this child has special needs or just doesn't sleep well? How will I manage to make it through each day if I'm not sleeping well or my body doesn't recover quickly? What if John is not available? Who will help me? What if something goes wrong? Why do I feel so sick this time? When will it end? Goodness, Joran is growing up so fast! Does he miss me too much? What if he feels abandoned and isn't getting his needs met? Will Jasmijn hate me for constantly having another little one in my arms? Am I going to sink into some sort of psychotic depression, unable to function on any level?

The doubts are like little monsters lurking in the shadows of my brain. Someone send me a spotlight! Oh, Jupiter, pierce these demons with your lightning rod! Rather, I should be praying to Juno... it's more likely that Jupiter got me into this trouble in the first place!

So, how do I get myself out of this conniption? I bring myself back to this moment, trusting the well-being in the greater picture of life, feeling the space and openness all around me and in my own body. In that space is all room for joy and health... and all is well. No matter how this day goes, tomorrow brings a new chance. No matter how this moment goes, the next blink could hold my awakening.

A good time to go to the garden...

Love,
Jolene =)

U-S-A! U-S-A!

2010-06-23T17:59:00.002+02:00

USA wins against Algeria in the 91st minute! 1-0

Oh, say, I can see the World Cup on the horizon!

Breakfast and Bunnies

2010-06-22T04:44:00.006+02:00

Sausage and eggs at our table, always with toys everywhere -- why are there toys in every room, in every place?

Finally a close-up picture of one of the many bunnies in our garden. They're a bit of a garden hazard, but cuter than the slugs.

Bunny eating fallen rose petals.

A bouquet from our garden: lilacs, roses and sedum.

My mother was wondering why there were not more photos of Trudy (Oma) on the blog, so here are a couple. The reason I have so many photos of Gerard (Opa) is that he is always calling out for attention: "Look at this! Look at that! Take a photo of me!" Trudy is more reserved.

Trudy feeding the hens.

Responsibility

2010-06-15T17:09:00.004+02:00

I'm going to paraphrase an inspiring message from Scott Noelle's "Daily Groove" newsletter. You can get the newsletter, too! http://www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove

When most people think of "responsibility," they think of an obligation or burden they must fulfill. When acting "responsibly," they might do something they don't really want to do, but they do it because they believe it's "right." In my opinion, this can leave someone in a hole of bitterness, judgement and hierarchy where they are either feeling superior for doing the "right" thing or feeling guilty for not living up to their "responsibilities."

Scott calls this the old, dominator world view. A new-world-view definition of responsibility is using your ability to respond creatively to a situation, each person in partnership with the other. As parents, we often feel a sense of duty and obligation regarding our "responsibilities," but in this new view, everyone can win and have fun! In the new world view, everyone is 100% responsible and enjoying the creative process!

Just wanted to pass it on!

Jolene =)

To Change One's Life

2010-06-12T02:02:00.002+02:00

I copied this delightful quote from a friend today:

"To change one's life; start immediately,

do it flamboyantly, no exceptions, no excuses."

William James

Blessings

2010-06-11T17:47:00.005+02:00

Family excursion, July 2009

I'm counting my blessings today! Apparently, according to Yahoo news, the sun will be storming in the near future, which may affect our technology systems. How amazing that we have created all of this! Then again, there is no reason to be amazed at all. If you believe that we are all one, as I do, then "we" are all God, or whatever you want to call it, and I can't imagine that God would be amazed at any of it. In my mind, God would be smiling, laughing, loving it all, loving us all and having fun, but not amazed.

Yesterday, in the latest Time magazine, I read the Dalai Lama's response to a question about how he remains faithful and optimistic when there is so much hate in the world. He said, "I always look at any event from a wider angle. There's always some problem, some killing, some murder or terrorist act or scandal everywhere, every day. But if you think the whole world is like that, you're wrong. Out of 6 billion humans, the trouble-makers are just a handful." I love that he calls them "trouble-makers" as if they are no more than a few kids acting badly in school. The statement also reminds me of an earlier post of mine in which I described seeing life as just a movie, another form of entertainment. And I always retain the choice to walk out of the theater, go see another movie or even produce my own. There are so many perspectives on life, and I am so happy to have the ability to see this life from many different angles. For me, it makes life more fun, more fulfilling, less serious.

We are here to enjoy life and make the most of it, according to our own desire -- I see no other purpose. Right now, I'm watching the wildlife in the yard, and none of them seem to worry about their "purpose" in life. I think the way humans do it actually takes away from our purpose in life. How can we actually be fulfilling any purpose in life if all we're doing is worrying about whether or not we're fulfilling our purpose? Good. I'm glad that doesn't make any sense to you either.

I have faith in the basic goodness of people. We all want to contribute. Those who commit acts that are hurtful to others must must be living in pain, filled with unmet needs. I have compassion for them in this sense, and I think that they would also choose a more humanitarian path if they were not hurting so much.

I have faith in the basic goodness of myself. When I hurt someone else, it is because I am hurting. I've gotten into the habit of asking myself what needs I can take care of for myself whenever I feel like lashing out at someone else. Sometimes a need can be satisfied by talking to the other person, sometimes it can be satisfied regardless of the other person's involvement. I love that flexibility and the intuition that helps me take the most productive path. And when I don't, I love that I always have new opportunities!

So, rather than feeling amazed at all of the blessings in my life, or instead of feeling overwhelmed with emotion, I am feeling full with happiness that there is so much abundance! I am so very glad for the diversity of gifts shared among us humans!

Finally, I truly appreciate the time to write all of this while my children are sleeping peacefully. I think I'll go take a shower while I have the chance.

Love,
Jolene =)

Photos of April-May 2010

2010-06-01T20:39:00.006+02:00

We managed to get a dozen garden projects done in April during Gerard and Trudy's visit.

As usual, Joran has his own projects in mind.

White-washing fence, creating gravel paths and new garden beds.

The dirt arrives.

Earl and his tractor helping with excavation for the greenhouse.

And time to enjoy it all.

5 eggs/day and they make delightful pets, too!

John's brother Maurits with girlfriend Mariska visited us for 3 weeks.

Jasmijn loved Snoqualmie Falls as much as our guests, who knew of the falls from the popular TV show, Twin Peaks.

Jasmijn really bonded with Mariska, so happy to have a new "auntie."

Life-learning

2010-06-01T19:09:00.004+02:00

We just got back from the LIFE is Good Unschooling Conference in Vancouver, WA, and I have a lot of thoughts. I can break it down to 2 main take-aways from the weekend:

1. My perceptions of what goes on for Joran internally can be wrong. Joran is very introverted around people he does not know well. Even when we go for playdates with friends he knows, he can be pretty quiet, internally focused, playing alone with whatever toy interests him, or just sticking by my side for a while. Yet, he loves playdates and wants to go back to see friends again and again. Likewise, when we go someplace that is fun for him, he spends a lot of time in silent observation. Many times, he is grumpy and disagreeable or just quiet and unhappy-looking, often expressing a desire to leave, and I think he hasn't gotten anything from the experience, I feel upset that he's not more easy-going, communicative and able to show enjoyment for things most kids outwardly enjoy. But then, hours or days later, he will talk about what thoughts he had and what fun it was.

We arrived at the unschooling conference Thursday, but John wasn't able to join us until late Friday, so I had 2 days with the kids, spending a lot of time in the hotel room because of Joran's personality, getting out of the room mainly because Jasmijn and I both enjoy exploring and a couple times because there was an activity Joran and I thought he would enjoy. We walked around through the conference area a lot, and I saw things I thought would be fun for Joran, but he didn't think so. We also saw a couple kids he knows well. Joran was quiet and serious during all the walking around and even the two activities he wanted to go to. He would hardly look at or speak to the friends he knew. Many times, he complained and pushed on me to go back to the room. My assumption was that he was not enjoying anything... until John arrived.

Joran talked all day Friday about seeing Daddy, and as soon as John arrived, to my surprise, Joran babbled on and on about the things he'd done and seen, and he wanted to show Daddy the whole conference. So, in that moment, I did a clear readjustment of my perceptions. It was so obvious to me that Joran experiences life in a very different way from me, and even from most other children I've seen. In Joran's lifetime, I've found many ways in which he is "atypical," and this was one more addition to my list.

I feel a little more relaxed to realize these things. I feel okay that Joran doesn't express enjoyment like I do. I can trust that he's getting what he needs out of an experience and I can still take care of my own needs, even if he seems unhappy in a situation.

The conference experience with Joran also had me thinking about people I know who seem unhappy, negative or pessimistic in some situations. Knowing that Joran probably seems this way because of stimulation overload, not being able to process all of the sensory and mental stimulation in a "typical" way, I am more understanding of others who seem unhappy and uncomfortable in new, unfamiliar situations.

John understands Joran's introversion, being similar himself. John has also learned the benefits of adaptability and communication, which he uses in his career and in personal relationships. As Joran matures, he may see the benefit in developing these skills as well. If he doesn't ever feel the need to do so, it's his life, and my hope is that I just raise him with the sense that he has the power to make the choices and changes in his life that are right for him, for I believe that we are all the makers of our own lives... "no matter how small," in the words of Horton, the elephant.

2. My second key take-away was that no matter where I go, I will always have some sense that I identify with the moment and the people around me... and some sense that I don't fit in at all. Maybe this comes from having grown up in so many different places, exposed to so many types of people. Perhaps it's the influence of having been raised in a multi-racial, multi-faith, multi-politic family. It's probably also a result of the part of my personality that wants to find common ground among all people and avoid conflict.

Wherever it comes from, this aspect of myself, this ability to identify while never really feeling that I fit in, has left me searching for most of my life for that place where I do feel that I fit in. However, it occured to me over the weekend to just accept that I don't "fit in" anywhere despite being able to identify with many stories. Instead of searching for an "answer" to a "problem," I can see it as a gift that has allowed me to feel great compassion, to mediate conflicts, to listen in ways that make others feel understood and accepted. Acceptance of this aspect of myself opens me up to the realization that there is a place where I do feel I fit in completely: that place is right here inside me.

Wishing you your best life!

Jolene =)

Snow

2010-04-08T19:22:00.002+02:00

Opa in the snow

I call a "snow day." I woke up to someone doing cookies in the cul-de-sac. I'm a little worried about my seedlings and cringing at the wet cold, because I don't like to be outside in it. Give me warm, sunny days 360 days/year and I'll be fine.

The birds are so cute, poking around the woodland edge and in the lawn. Hey, there's a robin. And the chickens are huddling and scratching. Now that the sun is coming out, the bugs must be waking up. John and I have seen hummingbirds already, too. I just put up the feeder 2 weeks ago! There goes the boy chickadee, chasing the girl! Wow, what a beautiful home, what a beautiful life! This is just what I imagined when we were back in Geneva! And I get to sit here and write while watching it all!

Love,
Jolene =)

Breathing for Pleasure

2010-04-01T08:49:00.012+02:00

Do flowers in a meadow believe that they are flowers...
or do they believe they are the meadow?
And when the sky looks at the Earth, what does it believe about itself?
Can I look at you and believe that I am anything different?

I believe that the inner work of the parent, rather than the outer work on the child, lies at the core of successful parenting. Am I radical? What is life as we know it without: punishments, rewards, "good job," time out, "because I'm the Mom," naughty or nice behavior??? Gosh, if I let go of these beliefs, Santa Claus would vanish! Or maybe, like Santa Claus, they are all illusions. Illusions of control.

Letting go scares the bejesus out of my little me who scrapes and claws to grasp onto reason, and be right about it, too. Big Me laughs at little me and scoops her up in those All Knowing arms, whispering reassurance that letting go is the only way to joy. Letting go is the only way to fully connect to my children, my spouse, my neighbors, my family, all of the people I love... all of the people... and to remember that we were never separated at all!

Today I am letting go of ever feeling helpless victimhood, letting go of needing to be right, letting go of guilt, letting go of anyone elses idea of me, letting go of anyone elses journey. Today I promise to do all the things I ever dreamed of and to live for those dreams in every moment. Today I promise to let Joy be my guiding light, and to shine, shine, shine!

Blessings to all!

Jolene =)

I am the light I believe myself to be!

Always Something

2010-03-26T20:22:00.005+01:00

There's so much going on lately, externally and internally. I wish I would remember to jot down notes, so I could blog about all of it. John said to me the other day, "I see you have not blogged since mid-February..." Blah, blah, blah! Oh, yes, all I'm doing all day is sitting around with my bon-bons in front of the TV! So, here I am blogging, because John made me feel guilty. My grandmother would be so proud.

I'm not going to include a lot of pictures of the garden, because it mostly just looks like a lot of dirt, still. Things are just starting to bloom, I've rearranged a lot and planted several new plants from friends, from Costco and from local nurseries. I did get this magnolia, which somehow speaks to my soul's memories of the deep south. The scent is heavenly and the blossoms whisper of purity and passion.

I want to create a magical garden. I think I'm off to a good start with a mix of delightful, romantic, whimsical and airy plants. A slight breeze brings enchanting music from our chimes, and I finally put up our gorgeous bell from Arizona along with a hummingbird feeder. Yes, we have hummingbirds here. Mostly the Scarlet Rufus, I think it's called. We call it "Ooh, look at that!" And there are white butterflies and large buzzing bumblebees, little chickadees (nesting over our front door), the coos from our doves, the clucks from the chickens, the smell of the pines... and the dirt! Wow! The smell of real earth makes me feel so strong and healthy!

Jasmijn and Joran are growing as fast as the plants. They are so fun! Joran now has a weekly playmate, which gives me a chance to garden, clean house, read, watch TV, make calls... and blog. Jasmijn is not used to her, yet, but hopefully John and I will get some dates soon.

Oma and Opa arrive next week from The Netherlands. Oma will stay for 2 weeks and Opa for 4. We'll spend a lot of time at home and get jobs done around here, and we'll probably make a trip to Walmart, their favorite American store. We'll take them out to eat, they'll share a meal and not be able to finish it together. Everything's bigger in America!

My latest revelation started about a month ago. I had a spectacular moment of seeing my life as a movie and feeling like it was just entertainment -- I could enjoy it or just walk out and go to another movie... or make my own movie. It was so freeing! Sometimes people talk about "forgiving" hurts from the past, and I suppose that was what this moment was, but it felt more like just letting go. It seems that if I were to forgive someone or something, I would have to judge it first, so this "letting go" was more like letting go of judgement, therefore there was not even any need to "forgive." Wonderful! Self-exploration is a trip!

Best to all!

Jolene =)

Wisdom While Weeding

2010-02-15T07:29:00.006+01:00

I always have inspiration while weeding. I was out in the garden to get certain things done today, but the weeds called to me, so I had to go. This is what came to me:

HAPPINESS is not meant to be a goal, but a moment-by-moment CHOICE.

Reaching for dreams/goals is great, and we can be happy when we get there, but I don't believe achievement creates happiness. I believe happiness is available to all of us in any moment we choose it, and we are more likely to feel happy when we reach our goals if we are happy along the way.

Dongelmans/McClain family reunion in Gouda, The Netherlands

Two grandpas

Dreams and Doings

2010-02-11T01:37:00.005+01:00

So, I'm evolving. Yeah, aren't you? Aren't we all? Thank goodness!

This journey never ends, will never end. It never gets done. Thank goodness!

There will always be new thoughts to think, new desires to chase, new dreams unfolding. Thank Goodness!

Right now, new and fresh, in an effort to sum up my story as of today, this is who I am. Hot on the heels of self-discovery, soaring on the winds of change, enjoying the view, diving in to get a closer look at: horticulture, sustainability, raw foods, energy and magic, art and love.

Okay, I love looking at plants, thinking about plants, digging up plants, playing in the dirt, moving plants, sowing seeds, hording seeds, organizing seeds, making lists of my plans and then going out and forgetting about the lists entirely. I just hung a new, page-long "to do" list on my wall. Ha! We'll see about that! I love gardening! Rain or shine, but hopefully not snow! Well, okay, John loves the snow, so I can do without the gardening for a couple months. That's when I get a chance to thumb through my mile-high stack of plant notes, pictures and writings.

Now, I'm feeling the urge to extend my fever for nature to the fauna sort. We have chickens. I'm not big on eggs, but these sure taste better than the ones from the store, and are more yellow, too. Then the chickens give great poop for the garden, of course. When the weather warms up, they could also make a nice economics project for Joran. I'm thinking "Organic Eggs $3" and "Homemade Lemonade $1." He's 5, he should work for his money. Heck! When I was his age....

Since I have sustainability on my mind, and Opa (John's Dad), once a butcher, will be here in the spring, I was just thinking, maybe he can teach me some of his trade. What else am I going to do with those old chickens?

I might have to save the chickens for John, Joran and Jasmijn, because I've also had raw foods on my mind for months. Just exploring the idea for now. I certainly love the idea of taking my foods from seed and being able to eat them, full of the nutrients from the land I've worked and the love I've added.

I got to go to the Northwest Flower and Garden Show again! I started out Saturday with Jasmijn. She was great, and let me sit through 2 lectures. The gardens were so fun and the children's section is getting bigger, so when a friend offered free tickets, I knew I had to come back Sunday with Joran. He ended up loving it! We got caterpillars, which will be butterflies in a couple weeks. We saw a dinosaur in a garden and got to explore a garden of monsters, made from plants and old gardening tools. I bought some reversible dresses for Jasmijn. You can see them in the pictures here. One has fairies/dragonflies, the other has guitars/skulls.

The love, art, energy and magic of life are everywhere! Living in connection with it rocks! Sometimes it seems like a choice between feeling good or being right, but when I surrender, feeling good is so right!

Hey, Joran is 5 and he had his first ever birthday party! He was pretty specific about how it would be. He would only invite a small number of friends and he made sure to tell me exactly what he did not want. He picked out party decorations and approved food, and of course wanted to know all about what would be happening with the presents. Joran likes to know exactly what is going on and how. I was nervous, but we all ended up having a lot of fun!

All happiness!

Jolene =)

So Girly

2010-01-08T02:53:00.004+01:00

Jasmijn found one of my purses on the day the movers brought our stuff. She had to take it with her everywhere for a couple days. I didn't want to accidently lose it, so we went to Toys R Us to let her pick out her own. She now has a pink bag with Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella on the front. Joran even found a few things at Target that he said she had to have for her purse: a tiny Sleeping Beauty doll and a perfectly pink Sleeping Beauty cell phone.

Joran also found Jasmijn's beads and sparkly skirts. From first sighting, Jasmijn has loved the beads, delights everytime she sees them, and puts them on herself first thing every morning. I think she's had up to 14 on at any one time.

Caution: Close proximity may induce melting!

Baby Steps

2010-01-08T02:32:00.004+01:00

Jasmijn is walking now, and watching her is a hoot! It's also beautiful! Scott Noelle just reminded me of a fun quote on his free newsletter, The Daily Groove:

Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly the first time.

I love for things to go perfectly and often don't even begin for fear of mistakes. The lesson I'm taking from my daughter is that the wobbly steps can be the most delightful. The tumbles can simply be registered as information on how to adjust things for the next try. And move on!

So, in the spirit of a child, I will forget about judging myself harshly and delight in the adventure of everyday life!

Happy 2010!!!

Jolene =)

Making It Home

2010-01-05T08:54:00.007+01:00

Back in the USA!

Where kids can get rowdy,

make some noise,

and have some amazing adventures!

With chickens!

We're cookin'!

Not the chickens.

MAKES A GIRL FEEL FREEEE!

The Stool

2010-01-05T08:45:00.002+01:00

Late at night. Ready to turn off the lights. Jasmijn thinks it's a good time to move furniture. That's my girl!

"So, I've seen one of these before."

"I think Joran gets up on it like this."

"I can do it too!"

"Yep, definitely a keeper!"

Is this normal?

2010-01-05T06:02:00.005+01:00

...uuummm...

This is what we deal with on a daily basis.

Jolene ;-)

Starting Up Again

2009-11-07T08:14:00.002+01:00

Funny, after I wrote this title, I realized how many things it applies to in my life now. I'm "starting up" the blog again after several weeks of silence. We're starting up old friendships, finding new life in them. We're starting up new friendships as we grow the fabulous community we moved back to. After coming down from the stress of great transition, we spent some time relaxing and settling in. Now we're starting up a new life.

There is so much to be said about the last 2 months... not to mention the last 2 years! I always love to include pictures on the blog, but I haven't gotten around to downloading any recently. I haven't actually taken many since we've been back. The experience of the last 2 years has touched us profoundly, and I may be able to describe many of our experiences and share many of our thoughts, but I will never be able to put into words the matrix of change within.

We're all doing well and feeling healthy. John loves his job. Joran loves his new playmates. Jasmijn never leaves my side. I'm loving this life. We're doing a master bed and bath remodel and getting new carpets before our container arrives.

Looking forward to more blogging and photos,
Jolene =)

Photos of Our House

2009-09-29T22:24:00.002+02:00

We're in the middle of a very hectic move, and blogging hasn't been on my mind, but here are some photos of the house we're buying in Woodinville.

Thoughts on War

2009-09-18T11:20:00.007+02:00

You just cannot kill everybody who doesn't agree with you. You can't do it. You'll kill enough of them, and pretty soon, you'll be down to the nitty gritty that is just you guys, and then you'll start disagreeing with each other... In other words, you cannot get to where you want to be by pushing against what you do not want - it never, ever works.

--- Abraham

I'm taking this metaphorically to include killing people in my mind, arguing with them, telling them they're wrong, making laws against their beliefs, punishing them, trying to control them.... For anytime I condemn war, I have to look into my own head and heart and stop warring on others with my thoughts. War is simply a reflection of what we're experiencing on the inside.

From a T-shirt seen on the streets of Geneva: More candy. Less war.

May everything I do be for the greatest good of all!

Jolene =)

Infinite Possibilities and Transitions

2009-09-17T13:25:00.004+02:00

Mind boggling thinking of the infinite possibilities of all the different human experiences. As humans, we're not comfortable with boggled minds, so we research, analyse, write, sort through it all to come up with right and wrong. Even those with the strongest opinions still change their opinions but then jump on the horse of their new opinion. I am learning to be comfortable with the idea that it's all true... or none of it is. Overall, I feel much better with this thought than with trying to decide what I think is right or wrong. I have better relationships with my children when I can accept that something they do or say is true or "right" for them or for that moment. I notice that change happens whether I allow it to or not, whether I force it or not. When I cannot accept something and either try to block it or force it, I just make myself miserable and disconnect from those I love.

I've been practicing this in our recent transition as well. We are transitioning. It is what we want and it is happening no matter what we do now. I can have anxiety over every detail, or I can accept the uncertainty of each moment and trust that all is moving forward. This transition is a force of its own and I cannot control it now. I must reserve my energy for myself, not use it up trying to control everybody and every experience, trying to make everyone happy, trying to help others when I'm needing so much help and support myself. I must trust that all things will happen just in time or I will know what to do when action is needed.

This entire time in Geneva has been a transition for us. We were like caterpillars. We decided to enter this new state of transformation. What a risk, what uncertainty, we didn't even know what we were doing, just knew that it's what we wanted and needed. The last two years have been full of uncertainty, and I have spent half of the time riding it, making the most of it, loving it, and the other half of the time worrying about it and wondering anxiously about what my next move would or should be. Now I can see that all that we were dissolved in this stage of chrysalis. Bit by bit we are taking the parts we want to keep, reforming into different, larger, more than we were before.

There is no end. Human life on earth is a transition itself. It never gets done. Just like I could not have known what our personal transition would do for us, I cannot know what this life will do for All That Is. All I can do is enjoy it, or not. All I can do is keep moving forward, trusting that motion and my place in it.

With great love!
Jolene =)

Today I Feel Silly

2009-09-04T09:56:00.008+02:00

Joran always loves teasing and tricking people. Of course, John and I love teasing and tricking Joran and eachother. So, Joran will often say or do something crazy, but with a twinkle in his eye, like he can't wait to see if someone believes him.

One thing Joran does a lot is pretend he doesn't love his sister. Like today, he said, "She's not my sister! She's a phoney! She's a lier! Send her to the dump!" Just awful, right? Well, the whole time, he's holding back a grin and I cannot help but laugh!

Sometimes Joran's tricks bother me. I start feeling offended by his words or irritated with his chaotic actions, and then we both end up mad at eachother. But if I somehow join in the silliness, and even when I'm telling him he can't continue with such-and-such, maintain a silly nature, it all dissipates in fairly good time, and we all feel better in the end.

The title of this post comes from a children's book by Jamie Lee Curtis, Today I Feel Silly (and other moods that make my day). The colorful, swirly pictures and the story of a red-headed girl and her emotional life remind me that ALL of our moods are what make life so rich!

Happy Day to you!

Jolene =)

Life Gets Even More Interesting

2009-09-03T12:28:00.009+02:00

I know I have run this photo before, but it absolutely matches my emotions of late! A picture is worth....

WOW!!!

We have been in a whirl over here! There is so much to update! I've been pretty secretive about it on my blog, because John was waiting to give his resignation at work, and however slim, I did not want to take any chances on his company finding out anything through my blog. Anyways, as you've probably guessed, or have been told through secret calls and e-mails, John has a new job and we are moving back to Seattle.

Who will John be working with? Microsoft? Nope. PopCap Games. It's a small casual games company of only about 300 employees based in Seattle with a few other worldwide locations. You might have seen one of their games, Bejeweled, on Facebook. We also play Feeding Frenzy and Plants vs Zombies. The games are cool and the company is a real winner! I can't wait to get to know the company personally -- John came back with awesome reports after his interviews.

Not sure on the details of the move, but in the meantime, we are selling as much as possible and giving away a lot, too. We love simplifying our lives and clearing clutter, but we're also trying to fit into one of the small shipping containers. It's fun, but certainly adding another level of busy-ness to our lives. I really feel like my head is spinning these days!

Joran and Jasmijn are handling it all in their own ways. Today I complimented Joran and said how impressed I was with how he was handling all this. "You're taking it like a man," I said. "No, Mommy," said Joran, "I'm taking it like a ninja!" My sweet boy! Jasmijn buries her head in my chest and cries out every time someone new comes to the door. She spends a lot of time in the sling.

Before we know it, all of our things will be moved and the apartment will be ready for new tenants. Before we know it, we'll be hanging out with Mickey Mouse and saying our good-byes to John's family. Before we know it, we'll be walking into our new home! Before we know it!

Live well!

Jolene =)

Panic

2009-08-17T17:51:00.003+02:00

Today I realized that what I thought was irritation towards Joran in the face of his demands is actually panic : panic that I will not be able to get it done/hold it all together/give him everything he needs and wants/control him. How unrealistic those expectations are! But in the moment that I recognized this feeling, I also knew that it had begun early in my life and had nothing to do with Joran. I took a deep breath into the panic and imagined it bursting away like a confetti explosion. For a while, I just noticed anytime it started to come up, took a deep breath to expand that constricted feeling, and pretty soon, it didn't seem to come up at all. I suppose that as long as I continue being aware of it, it will eventually go away. Because it doesn't serve me in the normal functioning of my life today.

Awareness is something I've been bringing to my life this summer. Rather than being reactive or trying to figure everything out or fix anything, I am just trying to be more and more aware. It's amazing how the simple act of noticing can make such a huge difference.

Live well!
Jolene =)

The Lesson of the Day

2009-08-14T17:37:00.004+02:00

I have to share this with all of my friends: today I had a bright moment of realization where an important thought occured to me and it registered in my body where I could just feel the truth of it. Get ready for a warm bath of positive energy!

This morning, I experienced two negative incidents in which I started to think and feel "why do these things happen to me?!" Very victimy. I vascilated between blame (including self-blame) and anger.

With the first incident, I was not looking forward to the process of resolving it. Then it occured to me that these things don't usually happen to me and I have faith in the general reasonability and good naturedness of other humans. I knew in that moment that I would just have to take a few extra steps, maybe make a couple of extra phone calls and with my open, friendly attitude, I will get what I need. Instead of dreading the extra time I'd have to spend, I looked forward to connecting with these people and the feeling of accomplishment afterward. No need to let a little misunderstanding stand in the way of my overall well-being!

With the second incident, it involved a person who lashed out at me for perceived wrong-doing. The incident was over in less than a minute, but I was left shakey and feeling horrible as if I had done something wrong. Like I said, I both blamed myself and her and I was angry at her, but those thoughts just fed the negative feeling. Well, the anger felt a little empowering at first. I did end up venting to John soon after, but then as I was talking to him, I realized that the way I was feeling about the incident was no longer about her, but about me, my thoughts and what I was holding onto. With that, I decided to find better thoughts. For example, "She was just trying to find joy. She was trying to make herself feel better. She was only acting habitually, and what she did had nothing to do with my inherent rightness or wrongness. We all act habitually. She was probably not feeling good for other reasons and took it out on me. I'm glad I'm strong enough to take it, let it go, and move on." No need to let a little hic-up affect my total happiness!

I accept that I somehow allowed the negative situations to occur in my environment. I may only be able to guess at how I created them or I may not understand how at all, but I know that they are just "oops" moments and I can get right back on track.

Anyways, this afternoon, I got on the phone and with one more step, I will have the first issue resolved. All is well!

I appreciate my life and all of the people in it!

Love, Jolene =)

Kids' Activities

2009-08-07T23:16:00.008+02:00

Joran has been making up stories for at least 2 years. They are elaborate stories with a plot and several characters. They take around 30 minutes to tell, and subjects vary with each story. Below, Joran is a magician with sidekicks, Spiderman and Batman. I am sitting in the bleachers, so it was like watching a live theatrical performance.

***
Jasmijn can pull herself up to almost anything and it's one of her new most favorite activities. She even climbed 2 steps the other day.

Here, she rearranges the kitchen cabinets.

Joran's tangram creation before we cleared the table for dinner: "Robot shooting target."

Joran's marble run. Created by Joran with some assistance with assembly by Jolene. Sorry for the semi-nudity. Should I have rated this one for parental guidance?

Love, Jolene =)

The Days Go By

2009-08-07T19:05:00.003+02:00

Putting together this blog is a great reminder for me as to how lovely our lives really are. Honestly, while this move to Geneva has been a brilliant experiene, I have not enjoyed living in the city. Even though we have great experiences, I do sometimes get down about daily life. Sometimes I feel that I am just waiting for the weekend, when we'll all be able to hang out as a family. We work so well together.

During the week, I go to parks a lot, but even that can be a disaster. The parks are not so clean. For example, today I went to one that is fairly small and there are always kids there, often large groups of kids. I would think adults would keep the children's area a bit sacred. However, the adults there are usually smoking, and then they throw their cigarette butts on the ground. Today, I found a nook that was filled with various refuse, most likely from a homeless person. I found myself feeling a mix of sadness and compassion that someone was using the park in that way, because he or she had no home available, but then also feeling sick to my stomach that any children at the park would be running into that. It's not the first time I've seen such things here. Before moving here, I had the idea that Geneva, being in Switzerland, known for its wealth and cleanliness, would be a sparkling city.

In any case, even though I like to share all areas of my life here, I don't like to dwell on things I find hard to appreciate, just like in my real life. So, now that I've gotten the above off my chest, I'll turn focus to the fun we are having...

Joran plays his guitar -- collecting money on the street?

Working on staying young at heart.

UN fountains

Picnic at La Perle du Lac, a beautiful, expansive, lakeside park, also connected to the Botanical Gardens. Makes for a wonderful day. These parks and the UN are close together, so we visited all, had schwarma for lunch and ice cream, too.

When I met John, I had a car colored "Champagne Beige." I was always insistant about adding the "Champagne," not just beige. John started talking about me adding champagne sparkle to everything. He spoke of it like it was our measure of quality -- if there was no champagne sparkle, it wasn't good enough for us. I love this sparkly photo! Our life together is brilliant!

Live well!

Jolene

Sibling Love

2009-08-07T11:40:00.003+02:00

Joran is so funny with Jasmijn. He just loves to get involved with her. Sometimes he entertains her, sometimes cares for her, sometimes terrorizes her. She usually laughs about it all, but sometimes she lets out the biggest yells of frustration, "Injustice!"

Of course, Jasmijn adores Joran and all things related to him. Joran's bedroom is at the end of the hall and you can see it from the livingroom, where Jasmijn usually plays. When she notices his door open, she lets out a squeal of delight and a "ha, ha, ha!" Thump, thump, thump she combat crawls down the hall to her brother's room.

In the first photo, Joran was attempting to get Jasmijn to take a nap with him. In the second photo, Jasmijn is eating for the first time. She's 8 months and has refused every other offering of food. Here, she's chewing on baby cookies. She has since enjoyed lentils, but I had also offered her 2 kinds of baby cereal, bananas, peaches, rice, yams, and baby cookies with no success.

Enjoying My Birthday

2009-08-02T17:04:00.002+02:00

It's a relaxed birthday at home. Yesterday was warm and sunny and we were out enjoying Geneva, but my birthday is blustery, so we've ended us staying in, and I am enjoying blogging, looking around online, cleaning up a little, playing with Joran, snuggling with John and dancing with Jasmijn. Here we are swinging to Louis Armstrong. In the background, you can see Joran's creations below and my dream boards above.

Live well!

Jolene =)

The Lovely List

2009-08-02T12:15:00.005+02:00

I just found this new blog, which is in it's very first week!

http://www.thelovelylist.com/

Lucky me and talk about Law of Attraction! I think the woman who created this blog, Brandy, is a real winner! She's a self-described lover-of-life "in search of more goodness." Here's part of her description for why she created the blog:

"I wanted to find more women who shared their love for life. I needed to find more creators, designers, wishers and dreamers. I wanted to learn more about different lifestyles and peak at their journeys to gain knowledge from their experiences."

It's a great place to find other lovely blogs, and I'm loving some of the creative and romantic photos so far.

Live well, my friends!

Jolene =)

Happy Birthday!

2009-08-02T10:49:00.004+02:00

It's my birthday today! I'm 34. It's raining. That's okay, we had lots of fun in the hot sun yesterday, which was a Swiss holiday. I had a great night's sleep and now I am a bit sore, so I think we'll take it easy.

Joran doesn't want me to grow old. No problem, I say to him. I remember a time when John and I went on a cruise from Seattle to Alaska. We were out hiking at one of the stops, and suddenly this couple who looked like they were at least in their 60's overtook us. Well, then! We plan to be so active well into our 100's! We'll just keep having fun!

Off we go, into the wild blue yonder!
Jolene =)

Living Joyfully

2009-07-25T19:33:00.007+02:00

Pictures from top to bottom: one of a field of sunflowers in Yvoire, France; John and Jasmijn on the boat from Yvoire to Geneva; the last two are of Joran, Jolene and Jasmijn in the capital city of Bern, in the fountains which are so cool because they explode randomly from the pavement. Watch out!

Something I'm focused on these days is Living Joyfully. It's a practice. Like yoga. Never perfect.

You know how hard it is to believe something when all you've got to tell you it's true is a little voice in your head or an emotion? Two books have put experience and research together to "prove" what I already knew. Of course, there are no singular events in my life. My new belief in Living Joyfully did not arise out of only two books. In a way, it's been a lifetime coming, but more recently influenced by studies of Law of Attraction and quantum physics (approximately the last 10 years)and a series of personal challenges and triumphs of the last few years in which I have looked deeply into myself and had long conversations with my soul.

But anyways, I love these books: The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks, and My Stroke of Insight, by Jill Bolte Taylor. The Big Leap is a business/personal growth book. My Stroke of Insight is written by a neuroanatomist who experienced a massive stroke and fully recovered! Check out Jill's TED Talks presentation on my sidebar under Generally Interesting Links.

We are so much more than meets the eye! Not your average Cybertronian alien, either.

In a shout-out to my friend Dayna Martin, LIFE ROCKS!!!

Jolene =)

Alpine Heaven

2009-07-23T20:56:00.023+02:00

Enjoy this series of photos from our latest visit to Wengen, Switzerland and the Jungfrau region!

Two real, live Swiss guys! And a chalet.

Okay, this is a good one! We are stuck on a gondola (Katie, Jasmijn and I are sitting opposite John and Joran) in a cloudy, misty rain. We can hear thunder in the distance and get a couple of flashes of lightning while the wild wind rages around us. This is the longest gondola ride in Europe and after being on it for 45 minutes, IT STOPS MIDAIR! Holy Poop!
Soon after it starts back up, we arrive at the Middle Station and are told to go back down the mountain. It then only takes us 15 minutes to get down, where we find out that we were apparently the last people they let on just before closing. It was a mistake to let us on and that is why we were sent back rather than allowed to continue across the mountain. So, we ended up taking the trains all the way around and arriving back at the hotel a couple hours later than expected.

They look quite happy!

First time on a swing. Very serious business.

On these hikes, Joran loves taking "short cuts" and "secret paths."

The mountains are glorious, but also personal and delightful down to the smallest detail.

Wildflower fields next to our hiking trail, backdrop of mountains.

John noticed this tree and rock next to the road, but he couldn't find Jolene, Jasmijn or Joran, who had ran ahead and hidden from him.

"I think I can. I think I can. I think I can."
The Little Engine That Could

Don't pick the flowers in the Alpine Botanical Gardens, kids!

Believe it or not, I have actually seen this antiquated form of punishment in Geneva.

Getting warm in the visitor info room. Too bad this was a cold, drizzly at the Alpine Gardens. There will always be reasons to go back to Wengen.

The steam engine that we chased up the mountain. I am laughing because Joran is posing in a funny fashion.

Secret messages

How I love his smile and the twinkle in his eye!

Joran asked me to include this picture of the train named "Bob."

Jasmijn gives Joran a massage after a long day hiking the Alps.

Aaaahhh! Don't we look happy! Of course, Joran is being his normal goofball self. He's a Goofy Goober!

We're all Goofy Goobers! Yeeeaaaah!

John and I did it! This zip line (as I guess it's called in English) made me think of a Fritz Perls quote:
"Fear is excitement without the breath."
The kick-off took my breath away and led to squeals and giggles. Then, as we sped through the Alpine air, the wind got so fast that each deliberate breath felt like breathing in All That Is. These glorious mountains do wonders for us!

My mom's favorite view of the day

Must have fondue when in Switzerland. John, you're a trooper -- we thoroughly enjoyed it!

Summertime Fun

2009-07-23T20:05:00.007+02:00

We're loving our summer! I haven't taken much time online for any reason, even this blog. Now that the guests are gone, I hope to write more. Enjoy!

Back at the Swiss Vapeur Park, this time with Grandma, Grandpa and my cousin Katie. They all loved it, too! What fabulous fun! My father isn't walking long distances these days, so it was great to go to a park where he could sit with a drink or just ride around for hours.

Horse racing in Annecy, France

Jasmijn was really posing here. We got about 6 photos and she was just loving the camera. First time in a high chair, too. She enjoyed the entire dinnertime. I remember this stage with Joran -- so easy to eat out at restaurants. Now he wants to jump up and get going again as soon as he finishes eating, 5 minutes into the meal.

Katie, Grandma/Mom/Elaine, Grandpa/Dad/Jerry, me and Jasmijn in Annecy, France

Yvoire, France

2009-06-25T18:11:00.008+02:00

How's life? Not too shabby.

Dad has a new linen hat. Very classy! What happened to you, Mom? You look really happy, in any case.

Me and my blue-eyed girl

Grandpa Jerry, Grandma Elaine and Joran

We took a boat to the medieval town of Yvoire, France. This is one of four ice cream stops that we made that warm, sunny day. Grandma has sported her Obama T-shirt multiple times in the last 4 weeks. She's so proud of it and many Genevans and others have given her the thumbs-up.

Lac Leman/Lake Geneva is always lovely! The lake and the mountains are always near the top of my list of things I appreciate in my life! They're always outranked by these two wonderful guys, however!

Do you like my new hat?

Costco beef jerky...Yum!

I always recommend a trip to Yvoire. We've been there several times. It's relaxing, we enjoy lunch at a small place a bit off the main path, views are great, there's a lovely walk through the farmland countryside just behind the town -- it's so very French! The people are friendly and it's listed as one of the most beautiful towns of France.

Love, Jolene =)

The Best Place for Us Right Now

2009-06-22T21:38:00.008+02:00

Geneva is the best place for us right now!

The number one thing I love about Geneva is that it has been a springboard for my personal growth. I believe that outer struggles I have are a result of what I've got going on inside -- my vibration, in Law of Attraction speak. Having many challenges and being so far removed from "the story of my life" that my left-brained ego had manufactured, I was able to understand myself, trust myself, value myself and believe in myself on a new level. The lonliness that I felt in the early days pushed me to build a community of online friends who are an essential part of discovering these parts of myself. My cells swell with appreciation for them and all that I have, and inner peace is no longer something I experience when all of the conditions are perfect. I now know from the inside out that the value of myself needs no justification.

And there are so many other things to love about Geneva:

1. The scenery is beautiful! White swans glide on crystal-clear water against a backdrop of various mountains peaked with snow. We have a close-up view of Mont Saleve, part of the Alpine range. Sunsets turn the layers of white rock a rosy pink. We can also hike this mountain, take a cable car or drive up. From Lake Geneva, we can see some of the higher Alps, and riding a boat to other cities along the lake is pure relaxation.

2. Location, location, location... Geneva is in the middle of Europe!

3. We are much closer to John's family than we used to be, and have enjoyed their visits here and our visits in the Netherlands.

4. My French has improved in the last 1 1/2 years.

5. Lots of parks, including the Jardins Botaniques, which has a great sandy playground and fountain, and the most whimsical carousel I've ever seen. And including Parc des Bastions, where you can play chess and checkers with pieces so big that you have to pick them up with both hands -- very cool.

6. House calls when you need to have your blood drawn, because there are so many pharmacies that they compete for your business.

7. Croissants, light and warm, melting in my mouth.

8. Prada, Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Armani, and more... anytime I have an urge for some good window licking... I mean window shopping.

9. Not having to check the bus schedule because I know another one will be there within minutes.

10. English spoken almost anywhere in case I'm in a pinch.

11. Open markets here and there and everywhere throughout the week, including Plainpalais, which also has a flea market twice each week.

12. Being able to find almost everything we want and being able to live pretty much the way we want to.

13. Jasmijn was born here.

14. I suppose I could go on and on, because I am finally really feeling happy here, enjoying summer, knowing that Geneva's not our forever-home, but The Best Place for Us Right Now!

Live well!

Jolene =)

Geneva Pros and Cons

2009-06-14T21:26:00.004+02:00

We moved to Geneva January 9, 2008. By John's first day of work January 14, 2008, we were all sicker than we'd been in years, and I ended up taking Joran to the emergency room, because there were no pediatricians available, and I just couldn't stick it out after several days of fevers and then complaints of earache. That was the beginning of more challenges than we imagined we'd encounter in this cross-continental move.

We were so excited to make this move! And so ready, too. Even though the Pacific Northwest felt like home, we were still wondering if we should try out Europe before deciding to settle anywhere. John was born and raised in Gouda, The Netherlands and I had traveled throughout Europe during a Junior Year Abroad program with Smith College. Coincidentally, that program had been in Geneva. Everything came together beautifully for our move and we had every reason to believe that it would continue so. We were both looking forward to many travels and more time with the Dongelmans family and I was looking forward to picking up that old romance with Europe.

I have to admit that the move clarified a lot for us. We got out of what was feeling like a bit of a rut... or at least some aspects of our lives that didn't quite fit. We have spent a lot more time with John's family. I'm so happy to know them better. I've experienced city life in Geneva and know it's not for me. I've experimented with balcony gardening and now know I prefer a yard full of dirt, rocks and deeply rooted plants. I am sure that the best thing for my family is wide open space, a forest, a little privacy, wildlife, and friendly neighbors. However much I love that we don't have a car and ride the bus instead, I prefer a car now that I have children. Cars provide the freedom, privacy and quiet time that we need right now.

There are a few top drawbacks of living here for us: cigarette smoke everywhere, lack of customer service, lack of general friendliness and smiles on the street, general disrespect for children and teens, less freedom to do as I please than I am used to in the USA. There was a law passed last summer that there will be no smoking indoors in Geneva, but because of the way the government works here and people fighting the law, it is not yet enforced. In any case, there are so many smokers on the street, getting away from it is impossible outside of our apartment. Even there, it drifts over from the neighbor's balcony. Even Jasmijn's first doctor arrived smelling like an ash tray.

The customer service is shocking. I frequently stand unacknowledged at a cash counter while cashiers finish talking or folding clothes until they're ready to help me. If I ask where something is, I am often met with an obscure wave in the direction of where the employee thinks the desired product is. Heaven forbid if I want to return something! I can expect a scowl and/or downright refusal. Caution going into a toy store, because children are generally not allowed to touch the toys until after they are purchased.

I'm used to smiles and hellos in most American cities, and I've known for a long time that this is not part of European etiquette, but it still turns out to be a real downer and have a huge impact on our daily experience.

I never thought I'd be so patriotic, but now I really feel the value of "the land of the free." Geneva has a lot of rules, and I know that those rules are, in theory, there to help people live peacefully and respectfully together (did I mention "in theory"?), but I find them so constricting and adding to a feeling of mistrust in others. I try to live my life in a way that is considerate to others, but I'm also all about the grey areas of life. I believe that a self-determined life is the best life and we should all be working to understand eachother and support eachother to live the life we see fit. I don't think we should be worried about telling anyone else how they should live their lives and making laws to enforce what we think is best for anyone else. Except maybe make a law against making a law. (wink)

As for what seems to be the dominant parenting philosophy, I've seen the best behaved young children here and the worst behaved teens. It makes me think that the small children must be behaving out of fear or other manipulation and then the teens must be rebelling out of anger at having been so disrespected. I've seen a number of children hit and shouted at in public. Joran was even swatted by his own doctor once. The doctor then gave me a lecture about not being authoritarian enough with Joran. We won't be going back.

Anyways, I have written enough of an essay about things I don't like about Geneva. I think I'll start fresh with another post to tell you about why I'm glad we made this move, what we've learned and how we've grown.

Jolene

A Good Weekend

2009-06-14T21:09:00.002+02:00

Nothing new to really speak of. Just a weekend of 80 degree (F) weather in Geneva, playing at a beach park, swinging on tire swings, wandering through a rose garden, wading through fountains, enjoying picnics and conversations.... People have been kind on the buses, offering their seats to my parents and I. Smokers have been kind to move when I asked if they wouldn't mind smoking farther away from my family. That was a surprise here in Switzerland where smoking is considered a basic human right. Hmm... maybe Geneva isn't so bad after all.

John is at the tail-end of a week-long business trip, and spending a couple days in the Seattle area. He sounds so very HAPPY there! It still feels like home. I somehow have "Christmas in the Northwest" running through my head.

I'm going to an Aveda hair salon tomorrow. Mmmm... anticipating the luxury.

Live well,
Jolene =)

Giggles

2009-06-05T23:29:00.005+02:00

Tickle time is the best time.

Jasmijn is a joy. And she loves Joran so. Everything is okay with her. She goes after toys and finds that Joran wants to have them as his own. It's still okay with Jasmijn -- she loves him even as he takes a new-found toy away. He has grown sweeter and sweeter with her and is so obviously proud to be her brother. He will always be her first Knight in Shining Armor. All is quite well.

Fully Authentic

2009-06-03T19:12:00.008+02:00

I've had enough with BE NICE philosophy. Yes, I know that everyone in this culture seems to live by it, but I think we would be so much better off and closer to peace if we would be Fully Authentic.

Joran is Fully Authentic. He's not yet spoiled by cultural and parental pressure to BE NICE so that others can feel good. Deep down, he must know that making others feel good is not his responsibility, and he creates many opportunities to remind me and others along his path of this fact. In the past, I have described Joran as intense and sometimes explosive, but forget it! We can all be intense and explosive when we are trying to be authentic in the face of overwhelming social pressure to BE NICE.

Trying to BE NICE only leads to resentment, because not everyone is nice all of the time. Not everyone is nice when we need them to be nice, so we are left with a bitter taste in our mouths. We want revenge. "Well, if my neighbor wasn't nice to me, why should I be nice to him?!" we ask ourselves. Then it unfolds to more blanket statements like, "The customers aren't nice to me, so I shouldn't have to be nice to them!" And then there are the times when BE NICE philosophy collapses on our families, "I'm not going to be nice to my kids when they are being so disrespectful of me!" Does "vicious circle" come to mind?

BE NICE is pretty hard to let go of after having it drilled into us for a lifetime. Maybe it helps to remember that when those helpful folks were trying to teach us to BE NICE, they probably weren't being very nice themselves. What were the "real" lessons of BE NICE? And does it make any sense? The "real" lessons went something like this: "you be nice so my life will be a little easier," "you be nice so that I can feel good," "be nice so that I don't have to deal with my own emotions as I react to your words/behavior," "I am more mentally and physically developed than you, so I can make you be nice," "when you are bigger and more powerful, you can force others to behave the way you want them to behave," and so many more.

I think it's time for us to trust that our children are innately social and want to be a productive part of their community. Let us trust that they will do this when they are developmentally ready. Let us listen for the lessons the children have to teach us so that we might turn into ourselves to discover and sound the trumpet of our own authenticity. I believe that once we have our cultural blinders off, we will find that true authenticity speaks and acts with love.

With much appreciation for All That Is. All is well.

Jolene =)

My Amazing Man

2009-05-26T10:04:00.007+02:00

John usually has the camera, but sometimes I remember to grab it. I finally have some pictures of him. These are from our Sunday afternoon trip up "Le Saleve," the mountain we can see from our livingroom. Thank you, John, for taking me to the mountaintop!

John is a wonder in my life, and with him, I feel wonderful!

I so appreciate all that John is and does: connecting with his family from the heart, accepting all the silly things I do and encouraging me to follow my heart, going to work each day to consistently provide our creature comforts, following his passions, being adventurous, skipping with me, being my rock and still managing to roll with me....

Oh, and he's a gamer and a technology geek, which I absolutely love, because I have no clue. This also reminds me of how John has contributed to my growth around media (TV, internet, video games, etc....), and has helped me to let go of old ideas about their value in our lives. And that brings me again to unschooling and what a great partner John is in this unschooling journey. He is so open and trusting of the life process of following one's passions, knowing that they will lead us to our best possible place. So that wraps up my big shout-out to my wonderful husband, John.

Go John! You rock Humanity!

I love you!

Jolene =)

Having Fun!

2009-05-22T22:33:00.006+02:00

Okay, I'm getting lazy and just posting photos without a lot of insight into myself... but I just want everyone to see my beautiful children! And besides, we're having lots of fun and I don't have time to write much or think long on that writing, either. I do have a mini list of post ideas, though, so be prepared for more!

"Thanks so much, Mom, for this great basket to play with! And thanks for dumping out all those useless toys!"

Joran created "Tech Knight" by combining a few costumes here.

Jasmijn can stand up with her own strength... but needs some help balancing.

Coffee and ice cream in Neuchatel. (My coffee, not Joran's.)

Enjoying the sunny lakeside.

This is just cute!

Love,

Jolene =)

Bath Time

2009-05-15T23:14:00.002+02:00

Uh-oh, what was that noise I heard in the bathroom? I'd better go check on Joran. Turns out he was emptying the bottle of bubble bath into the tub. "Okay, bathtime!" I exclaimed. He ran off giggling, squealing with delight! He usually resists a bath, but this time, he came back and jumped right into the tub of bubbles, so pleased with his criminal exploits. I guess it's worth a few bucks to get him to take a bath once in a while.

He even let me put oil in his hair and comb out the yucky scalp build-up. Yeah, it was pretty gross.

I love this boy!

Live well!

Jolene =)

Oma and Opa

2009-05-15T22:18:00.003+02:00

This is Oma...

And this is Opa. He's been working out.

They have 8 sons in Gouda, The Netherlands. I married the one who doesn't like cheese.

Creations

2009-05-15T21:41:00.003+02:00

Joran was busy painting the inside of this cup when he stated to me, "Look Mom, I'm creating a galaxy." Sure enough, if you hold it up to the light, the holes that the bubbles make look like stars. Joran is fascinated with aliens, planets, stars, galaxies and such things of the Universe right now.

Joran's party mix. There are almonds and granola underneath. This was totally his own creation from things he got out of the pantry. It was delicious!

Joran's Camp. Boys only! He pulled together a few toys, a Batman cape for his "bed," more food from the pantry, party favors, and extra clothes just in case. I found John hiding out with him later in the evening... blowing party horns and eating pretzels.

Train Museum

2009-05-15T21:23:00.003+02:00

There were so many great photos in April, and I just had to post some more of them before moving on. Joran was rocking Jasmijn here and she was really giggling a lot.

We went to this fun outdoor train museum on the east end of Lac Leman/Lake Geneva, Switzerland.

Here I am acting goofy to entertain Joran and John.

And less goofy saying "Hi!"

Shadows

2009-05-09T21:32:00.002+02:00

I wrote this to one of my online groups the same day that I posted my last entry here. I thought it would make a good tag-along to my last blog entry.

I was listening to Scott Noelle (a parenting coach from The Pacific Northwest) and thinking about how our "shadows" show up in parenting. It's pretty easy to beat myself up for those shadows, but ironically, it's embracing and appreciating the shadow that gives it a home so it doesn't end up as my children's baggage.

I find that recognizing those shadows as survival techniques from my childhood, and knowing that they served me then, really makes me feel good about them. I also see how the more aggressive shadows help me as an adult to stand up for myself instead of playing into the meek, victimy, gotta-be-a-good-girl shadows. All of the shadows are skills that I've developed and they have served a purpose at one time or another. It is good to acknowledge that and then go on to releasing them, knowing I do not need them to protect myself from my children.... Duh!

It's just like trying to use a hammer on a screw. The shadow is the hammer, a very useful tool, but useless and damaging when used in the wrong way. I hope I have the wisdom and courage and stillness within to use these thoughts when I need them next.

Jolene =)

Not So Good Moments

2009-05-04T13:07:00.003+02:00

This blog is pretty joyful. I'm pretty joyful most of the time. But of course, there's more to life than always feeling happy and things going great.

Like right now, for example. I'm feeling pretty down in the dumps about not getting what I need or want. I find that living with a young one can be very straining. I mean really, they're incapable of reason, at least in the way adults expect reason. The whole world revolves around them and consideration for others rarely happens. At least that's the way it feels, and remaining understanding of their abilities and inabilities becomes more and more stressful.

I like to think there are ways for everyone in the family to get what they need. I like to look for the win/win scenarios. I like to find the "yes" to every demand. But then there are many moments when I feel overwhelmed by this high ideal and just feel like a fish out of water. Flop, flop. Gasp, gasp!

I try to be honest with Joran in these moments and tell him how I absolutely need a time-out for myself. Wonderfully, he often understands. Unfortunately, there are times when I can't even make this level-headed request and I end up growling or glaring at Joran (like today), and he gets the message that I need a time-out without any words from me.

This blog is a wonderful place to remind me of the happier moments and now maybe even a place to vent a little on those dumpy moments, too.

I think I'll go back and give him a hug and say thanks for a bit of space and quiet time and get on with the day.

Live well!
Jolene =)

What is unschooling?

2009-05-03T18:56:00.008+02:00

Unschooling is a completely bizarre concept for many people on this earth. Most freedom-loving Americans haven't even heard of it, either. I mean, homeschooling only gained recognition as a respectable way to educate children a decade or two ago. But no traditional schooling as we have known it for the last century? That's too radical!

Not really, what it boils down to for me is that I intimately know my children, and I am able to assist their learning in the way that best suits them. This is not a method, there is no curriculum, there are no set answers or texts to follow... we love it! We live in "Real Life" full-time. I love that it is simultaneously simple and challenging! I love that it keeps me growing! I love the capacity for joy within it!

I rejoice that I can raise my children in such freedom!

Love,

Jolene

"Our separation of eachother is an optical illusion of consciousness." Einstein

(I had to throw in this photo of Joran and I when he was 18 months old. No connection.)

Secret Door

2009-04-22T12:02:00.003+02:00

"Don't you just love this secret door? What would you like to see when you open it?" --a guy named Don who is mending his old barn, Simple, Green, Frugal Co-op blog.

Just ran into this today. It left me so much to think about. I love letting that question role around in my conciousness. It keeps my vibration up, appreciating, focusing on my dreams.

Successful Messes

2009-04-22T11:02:00.007+02:00

Here's a project Joran and I worked on together.

When it comes to some things, like paint, I have to be involved, because I'm not quite ready to deal with the mess that happens when I'm not right there to wipe up, direct and control the mess as it's happening. And I'm not okay with nagging Joran or using punishments, threats or rewards to be less messy.

This particular project will be memorable for me, because as I was working on one of the firecrackers, I told Joran that I would love to take an art class someday to learn how to paint well. He said to me, "But Mommy, you already paint really well." Aaaawww!

There is one place where I've totally let go. This is the construction site Joran has made of our back balcony.

And this is the washable rug I'm so thankful for where he leaves his boots. This rug has been everywhere I've lived since my beautiful friend Ayesha gave it to me in college, and it still looks great... after a trip through the wash. Thanks Ayesha!

Life is messy!

Jolene =)

An Alien Alphabet

2009-04-19T21:14:00.003+02:00

This evening, Joran wanted to play with letters. We have these beautiful Eric Carle ABC cards. I love playing with them, too.

Joran brought the cards out to us and started telling Jasmijn that the animals were aliens. Sometimes, Jasmijn would say (with my voice) "Oh, that one looks like a monkey." Joran would reply, "No, no, no. It's an alien." And then he would explain that you could tell what kind of alien it was by looking on the other side. "See the letter M, now you know this is a Malien alien." And on and on they went. Joran got an especially big belly laugh out of the sound O made with alien. I thought it sounded like an alien call: Ooh alien?

I love unschooling! We get to play with letters whenever we want to and take our imaginations to the outer reaches of the Universe!

Math? I make homemade juice popsicles. Joran had just finished two the other day when he asked, "Mom, can I have 2 more popsicles? I already had 2, so that makes 4." I was doing a little dance in the kitchen, because it's so exciting to watch my child learn naturally!

May The Force be with you,
Jolene =)

It's all okay

2009-04-19T17:50:00.006+02:00

I'm not frustrated anymore. I'm going to be brave and try editing the Html. I am already a bit lonely, because John just left for a week in London. I promised him we would spend the week giving new definition to FUN and be ready to share it with him when he gets back!

Thanks everyone for the help and encouragement!

Feeling jittery,
Jolene =)

Frustrated with blogging!

2009-04-18T10:14:00.002+02:00

Why can't I delete photos after I've published a post?
Why aren't the spaces showing up between paragraphs in my first post?
Why am I so illiterate?

Official Introduction

2009-04-18T09:48:00.010+02:00

This is who we are and what we're up to. "We" are me, my wonderful husband John, a delightful 4-year-old son Joran, and an angelic 4-month-old daughter Jasmijn.

We love that it's spring! The weather has been beautiful throughout Switzerland, and what a great area to enjoy spring and summer! We've been out in it, as the pictures reflect.

In general, we love the outdoors. I'm the one who loves gardening, but the whole family seems to get involved. Unfortunately, we don't have a real garden right now, so I've filled the front balcony with plants and Joran has recently covered the back balcony with mud and construction equipment.

We also love to travel, so living in Switzerland is perfect for now. With children, however, we choose a destination and often stick with what we know. Our favorite destinations are Disneyland, any castle with a forest surrounding, beaches... and of course, The Netherlands.

A little background on John. We met in Redmond, WA, but he's from Gouda, The Netherlands. He moved over with Microsoft, marketing. Games are his passion and he's so excited to have a career in the industry!

Joran loves gaming, too. And trucks, trains, guns and swords and other paraphernalia that his mother is still learning to appreciate, puzzles, jokes, tricking people.... And he loves his sister even though he would try to trick you and tell you that he's not her brother.

Jasmijn smiles and laughs a lot, sleeps well, and tries to keep an eye on her brother.

Finally, one of the biggest defining parts of our lives and lifestyle includes unschooling. In other words, we believe that learning is everywhere, opportunities abound, life is good, children are perfect in their way, deserving of all the respect we can offer them and teachers to us all.

Any questions?

Jolene (oh, sorry for the kind of thrown down way of this blog so far... I'm learning)

Joy Embraces Jealousy

2009-04-18T08:57:00.002+02:00

There was a recent idea floating around one of my unschooling parenting lists: true joy includes all emotions. I can identify with this, because one must be able to feel a full range of emotions before truly knowing joy. I like to take it even further that feeling "negative" emotions such as anger, frustration, irritation, embarrassment, fear, etc... are part of simultaneously feeling joy.

For that reason, I embrace jealousy. As I feel jealousy, I am able to identify things that others have that I want in my life and I am able to identify aspects in others that are a reflection of me. So, the jealousy turns to admiration. During the whole process, I can feel joy, knowing that such "negative" emotions lead to enlightenment when I follow them.

Loving it all,

Jolene

Not from this world

2009-04-17T23:51:00.004+02:00

Here is Joran in front of the HR Giger museum in Gruyere. HR Giger won an Academy Award for visual effects in the movie Aliens. Joran loved his work! As soon as he saw the alien sculptures outside, he wanted pictures with everything and then just strutted right on into the museum to see everything else. The museum staff tried to discourage us by saying that the works were too grotesque for a 4-year-old, but Joran would not be deterred.

Inside the museum, I spent a lot of time thinking about the choice to follow Joran's lead rather than letting someone else decide what was appropriate or inappropriate for him. Joran knows himself best, and as his mama, I want to facilitate further self-discovery and discovery of the delightful world around him. I don't want to make choices for him based on my fears or prejudices or anyone elses.

It turned out the art was not scary at all, but fascinating for Joran. I'm sure it's a passion we'll be exploring more of. This was not the first encounter with grotesque art. Joran didn't want to leave during a recent trip to the Phoenix Art Museum, and one of his favorite pieces was covered with a dismembered head, blood and a few monster images (painted, not real).

I've learned so much as Joran's parent. He's an intense little man! He teaches me a lot about personal power, reclaiming it, asserting it. He teaches me about freedom, letting go and maintaining my own well-being regardless of others. Now I have a little girl as well, and so far, I can see that she has other lessons to teach me. While her will is similarly strong, it is more quiet. With her, I am learning more about joy, self-worth, and again about keeping my own happiness independent of others.

So, this blog will be mostly about my parenting journey. I chose the title simply because I love the name Saoirse, which means "freedom." I've combined it with "fearless," because that's how I want to live -- fearlessly, powerfully, with freedom.

Live well!

Jolene