It just occured to me that having children has really helped me develop a sense of worthiness.
The reason for this is that my children ask for everything and want to follow their hearts' desires, and I want that for them. So, I have a sense that they are worthy. As I see them as worthy, I cannot help but see myself as worthy, because they are no different from me. I also used to be a child, with so many desires, and I deserved to skip along, fulfilling my hearts desires, and I deserve to do so now and throughout my life.
Love,
Jolene =)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Winter Break
We're all snowed in and our 6yo neighbor comes over to keep us company. Just in time! Joran's no longer restless and I'm blogging peacefully downstairs with Jasmijn playing nearby and Aurora sleeping in the sling.
Appreciating little boys who trapse through the snow to see a friend!
A little later, they're so excited to go outside that grabbing sleds takes priority over grabbing warm clothes:
And then they throw a Zombie Party in which I attend as a Voodoo Witch...
And everyone has a swingin' time!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Stumbling
It's been one of those days, peppered with some aggravation with Joran. He torments Jasmijn here and there, he cries and whines about perceived unfairness, he uses mean words against Jasmijn and I.... I work my way through the frustration and anger, trying not to be mean myself. Then, towards the end of the day, he stumbles over something most people would have seen in front of them, and he splats down on the floor. As he cries out in pain, I suddenly remember all of the other little accidents throughout the day. I understand what is going on, and my eyes fill with tears of compassion.
Joran feels "off balance," literally and figuratively. The sensory input he gets is too much or too little: lights are too bright, noises too loud, the curb was closer than he thought, he didn't see the book on the floor.... We all have these moments, but imagine it multiplied into almost every moment in motion! It's no wonder Joran usually wants to stay home in his familiar environment. It's no wonder his behaviors sometimes seem rude, disrespectful, aggressive or even violent. He's trying extra hard to control his life, because there's a little extra that feels out of control for him.
I don't think he's alone. I know a lot of adults who have similar sensitivities, but have adapted to these sensitivities. In fact, we're all a little quirky. As adults, we're free to avoid most situations that make us uncomfortable. For children, this is a different story. Children are at the mercy of adults' decisions, and it is an adult's world. Besides, quirkiness isn't always acceptable (especially in an environment that depends on children behaving and progressing in a more predicable fashion, such as school). Among children, I don't think my son is an anomaly at all. I imagine all children feel small, helpless and out-of-control in a world that is often confusing and overwhelming even for adults.
For these reasons, I don't "punish" my children. The world holds enough natural consequences as it is. Not to mention the punishment of having a frustrated mother. Instead, I try to use the moment as an opportunity to practice unconditional love. I talk to my kids, I try to offer guidance, I reach for creative solutions for everyone's gain, I give in as much as I can, because I am the adult who chose to bring them into the world, which puts me in a position to be responsible for my own needs, and to facilitate the fulfillment of theirs as much as possible. I try to be an example of a person living life the way I think is best... happily.
I don't go for rewards, either. My son has demonstrated more times than I care to admit that he can outsmart any reward system I put in place. Nor would I want to set up a system that supports lies and manipulation in our relationship. In any case, my efforts to manipulate him through punishments or rewards will teach him that using physical or intellectual power to dominate others is okay. Not really the way to a more compassionate, partnership-based world.
This responsibility that I put on myself brings me to the Nuclear Family Dilemma. So far, it feels impossible to get everyone's needs met under this model. The best I can do is try to gather a close-knit community of friends, neighbors, family and other teachers and coaches around me. I can't say I want to live in a tribe, either. I like globalization, at least its many positive aspects. I think humanity is advancing and evolving... I'm just not sure how it's all going to work out. So, I keep stumbling forward.
Maybe I'm like Joran in this way, stumbling about in unfamiliar territory. I want to do things differently from how they were done when I was a child. I want to trust myself through this process rather than following someone else's prescription. I'm always seeking to walk the path according to my own power and confidence. Yes, a lot like Joran.
For me, it's an exercise into a special sort of Awareness. Feeling into all my feelings for the best action in each moment. Sometimes that means continuing to just be with those feelings and accept the situation as it is. I practice appreciation and compassion as much for myself as for my children. I practice squinting my eyes just right to see myself in each of my children and to see the perfection in us all. I practice this everywhere I go, with everyone I meet.
Humbly Yours,
Jolene =)
Joran feels "off balance," literally and figuratively. The sensory input he gets is too much or too little: lights are too bright, noises too loud, the curb was closer than he thought, he didn't see the book on the floor.... We all have these moments, but imagine it multiplied into almost every moment in motion! It's no wonder Joran usually wants to stay home in his familiar environment. It's no wonder his behaviors sometimes seem rude, disrespectful, aggressive or even violent. He's trying extra hard to control his life, because there's a little extra that feels out of control for him.
I don't think he's alone. I know a lot of adults who have similar sensitivities, but have adapted to these sensitivities. In fact, we're all a little quirky. As adults, we're free to avoid most situations that make us uncomfortable. For children, this is a different story. Children are at the mercy of adults' decisions, and it is an adult's world. Besides, quirkiness isn't always acceptable (especially in an environment that depends on children behaving and progressing in a more predicable fashion, such as school). Among children, I don't think my son is an anomaly at all. I imagine all children feel small, helpless and out-of-control in a world that is often confusing and overwhelming even for adults.
For these reasons, I don't "punish" my children. The world holds enough natural consequences as it is. Not to mention the punishment of having a frustrated mother. Instead, I try to use the moment as an opportunity to practice unconditional love. I talk to my kids, I try to offer guidance, I reach for creative solutions for everyone's gain, I give in as much as I can, because I am the adult who chose to bring them into the world, which puts me in a position to be responsible for my own needs, and to facilitate the fulfillment of theirs as much as possible. I try to be an example of a person living life the way I think is best... happily.
I don't go for rewards, either. My son has demonstrated more times than I care to admit that he can outsmart any reward system I put in place. Nor would I want to set up a system that supports lies and manipulation in our relationship. In any case, my efforts to manipulate him through punishments or rewards will teach him that using physical or intellectual power to dominate others is okay. Not really the way to a more compassionate, partnership-based world.
This responsibility that I put on myself brings me to the Nuclear Family Dilemma. So far, it feels impossible to get everyone's needs met under this model. The best I can do is try to gather a close-knit community of friends, neighbors, family and other teachers and coaches around me. I can't say I want to live in a tribe, either. I like globalization, at least its many positive aspects. I think humanity is advancing and evolving... I'm just not sure how it's all going to work out. So, I keep stumbling forward.
Maybe I'm like Joran in this way, stumbling about in unfamiliar territory. I want to do things differently from how they were done when I was a child. I want to trust myself through this process rather than following someone else's prescription. I'm always seeking to walk the path according to my own power and confidence. Yes, a lot like Joran.
For me, it's an exercise into a special sort of Awareness. Feeling into all my feelings for the best action in each moment. Sometimes that means continuing to just be with those feelings and accept the situation as it is. I practice appreciation and compassion as much for myself as for my children. I practice squinting my eyes just right to see myself in each of my children and to see the perfection in us all. I practice this everywhere I go, with everyone I meet.
Humbly Yours,
Jolene =)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Joran's Second Set
Joran lost his first 2 teeth within days of eachother. They just fell out of his mouth, no blood. Yet another sign that he's growing up!Honestly, I'm really seeing big changes in his character and behaviors. Is it because he's now 6? Is it the effect of a new baby sister? Is it just time? We've entered a new phase.
On Positivity
I was commenting to a friend recently about how positive she is, and I loved her response:
"Oh, I tried the other way, and that was crummy!"
These photos turned out pretty well. Jasmijn's just focused on her candy.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Time Slipping Away
Here is the famous clock of the English Garden in Geneva. Picture taken by my cousin during her 2009 visit. Jasmijn on my back. The bike was a free rental, one of Geneva's many delights (it appears this one was sponsored by McDonalds).I like that the numbers on this clock are falling off. Gardeners change the clock seasonally, and it's usually about the flowers, but this one was different.
Have you ever played with the notion of creating time? You know how sometimes time seems to fly by and other times just drag, and some days you can get all kinds of things done in so little time and other days you feel overwhelmed by only a few tasks which somehow don't get finished? It seems that when we're in our groove, time doesn't matter. I wonder how much of a part we play in this thing called Time.
Small children have no sense of time. There is only Now. The worlds greatest philosophers and spiritual leaders tell us and have always told us ("throughout all time") that the secret to life is living in the now. Our greatest power lies in this moment. There is really nothing else.
I can grasp that. All truth and reality is now. Once this moment has passed, it is just a story, a figment of our imaginations. Even this moment can be a figment of our imaginations... but somewhere, deep inside, I can feel the reality behind it all.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Loving Yourself
Everything is more beautiful when you love yourself!What does loving yourself mean to you?
For me, loving myself is knowing that I am worthy of all of the good things in my life, without having to do anything in particular to keep receiving them. There's no question of whether or not I've been good enough to deserve healthy and beautiful children, a loving husband, a good home, caring friends and neighbors, a healthy body, a pretty garden, lovely clothes, and on and on....
I hope you have the life you want!
You deserve it!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Happy Holidays with a New Baby!
Welcome Aurora Sapphire! December 18, 2010Aurora was born at home in Woodinville, as planned. With impeccable timing, I started contractions on December 17, the evening my parents arrived at the airport. In fact, I was in the middle of one when I spotted my mother near the baggage claim -- that was a weird moment. Valerie of Puget Sound Midwives and Birth Center, the wonderful midwife who also caught Joran, arrived around midnight, and Aurora arrived at 2:50am, after a well-paced labor. No broken toilets this time! We were able share a few good stories and jokes, though!
Jasmijn and my father slept through the entire night, but Joran was so excited that he stayed up to meet his new sister! My mom stayed up with him -- what a sweet time for them. Joran tried to hide his excitement at first, and this made him even sweeter to watch! John was able to support me all through the labor, which was different from Jasmijn's birth -- he was with Joran then and the labor went so quickly that he barely ran upstairs in time for the birth. Interestingly, I didn't want anyone near me during labor with Jasmijn anyways, so that was perfect, too.
Anyways, at around 3:30am, the midwives told me "the boys are crashed out in the livingroom."
My favorite story of the day will probably always be something Joran told me after everyone was awake again. With 2 big thumbs up, he said with the most loving grin, "Good job, Mom!" (Then he added, "And there wasn't even any blood." Well, he doesn't have to know about that.)
Happy!
Aurora has the same frown as Jasmijn... we thought it came from Geneva... I guess it's in the genes.
Acrobatics... and Jasmijn looks on from behind.
Jasmijn pushing Joran on the swing. 
Jasmijn likes to point out Aurora's eyes, nose, mouth, fingers and toes. 
They are both so excited and sweet with their new sister! 
Such tenderness.
Oops! Flipped the photo, but here's Jasmijn helping to change Aurora's diaper (she unsnaps the jumper and hands me wipes).
So wise.
"What is this thing on my head?"
Jasmijn's just tickled pink and asks to hold Aurora several times a day. 
I knew I'd get requests for photos of me, so here's the best one I could find.
Joran's ready for the snowball fight!
Grandma builds a snowman with Jasmijn.
Sledding behind our house. I stay inside, but I get lots of laughs from watching my family!
Happy New Year!
Everyone loved Joran's long hair, but he didn't like the tangles, and the brushing was too painful, so I cut it off!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Playdates
Hey, I wrote this several months ago, but still find it interesting and relevant. The only difference is that I now have a couple babysitters and Joran participates in 2 outdoor classes, one of which I drop him off at for 4 hours. I'm so thankful for Joran's enjoyment of these and the regular playdates we have.
Since we don't go to school, playdates are how we do most of our socializing. We get together with other homeschoolers and unschoolers, and also a few friends who are not full-time school, yet, and we really appreciate that they make time for us, too. Hopefully, even after school is in full swing, we can still have afternoons together here and there.
Playdates work well for Joran. He's always seemed to play best one-on-one. While living in Geneva, we tried a few classes with Gymboree and Little Gym, and Joran always complained about there being too many other kids around. Several times, he teamed up with just one other and they did their own thing during the class. Other times, he even managed to get the whole class to follow his creative direction over the instructor's. One time the instructor just looked at me, after deciding to go with Joran's Volcano Adventure, and said, "Well, he certainly is a leader." People are constantly commenting to me about his creativity. So, as his parent/life facilitator, I try to do more of what seems to work and not force anything that I think is a good idea when Joran clearly dislikes it.
Living this lifestyle only becomes tough when I don't get my own tank filled and end up feeling exhausted keeping up with my children (okay, mostly Joran). Can't say I'm sure what to do about that. It would help to find someone who can play well with my kids while I go off to have peaceful time on my own. I haven't gotten to that, yet. Kind of waiting for a magical manifestation, a Fairy Godmother of sorts. This is another reason why playdates work well. By this time, Joran is comfortable enough to stay at a playdate without me. Good idea.
I've noticed that Joran seems quiet and may play by himself when he first goes to a new house, but as he gets more comfortable, his more exuberant nature comes out. He may even start to test limits of me and others. At home, he tends to feel a little territorial. With boys, he must feel competitive, because I often get the impression that he is trying to show off. He seems more competitive with boys closer to his age and more willing to give in to boys a year or more older than him. Things can get very rowdy when his guy friends are over.
With girls, he's more sweet and gentle. He likes to show them his house, his toys, his books, but there's not the sense of competitiveness. It's the same with Jasmijn; sometimes he doesn't want her around, but he's mostly caring, playful and watchful of her. We go through phases.
As for Jasmijn, she loves playing with Joran, and sometimes gets into playing with others, but will mostly do her own thing or hang out with me. She's definitely "easier" in the sense that she doesn't demand my interaction as much as Joran did at her age or does now. They are so different!
Jolene =)
Since we don't go to school, playdates are how we do most of our socializing. We get together with other homeschoolers and unschoolers, and also a few friends who are not full-time school, yet, and we really appreciate that they make time for us, too. Hopefully, even after school is in full swing, we can still have afternoons together here and there.
Playdates work well for Joran. He's always seemed to play best one-on-one. While living in Geneva, we tried a few classes with Gymboree and Little Gym, and Joran always complained about there being too many other kids around. Several times, he teamed up with just one other and they did their own thing during the class. Other times, he even managed to get the whole class to follow his creative direction over the instructor's. One time the instructor just looked at me, after deciding to go with Joran's Volcano Adventure, and said, "Well, he certainly is a leader." People are constantly commenting to me about his creativity. So, as his parent/life facilitator, I try to do more of what seems to work and not force anything that I think is a good idea when Joran clearly dislikes it.
Living this lifestyle only becomes tough when I don't get my own tank filled and end up feeling exhausted keeping up with my children (okay, mostly Joran). Can't say I'm sure what to do about that. It would help to find someone who can play well with my kids while I go off to have peaceful time on my own. I haven't gotten to that, yet. Kind of waiting for a magical manifestation, a Fairy Godmother of sorts. This is another reason why playdates work well. By this time, Joran is comfortable enough to stay at a playdate without me. Good idea.
I've noticed that Joran seems quiet and may play by himself when he first goes to a new house, but as he gets more comfortable, his more exuberant nature comes out. He may even start to test limits of me and others. At home, he tends to feel a little territorial. With boys, he must feel competitive, because I often get the impression that he is trying to show off. He seems more competitive with boys closer to his age and more willing to give in to boys a year or more older than him. Things can get very rowdy when his guy friends are over.
With girls, he's more sweet and gentle. He likes to show them his house, his toys, his books, but there's not the sense of competitiveness. It's the same with Jasmijn; sometimes he doesn't want her around, but he's mostly caring, playful and watchful of her. We go through phases.
As for Jasmijn, she loves playing with Joran, and sometimes gets into playing with others, but will mostly do her own thing or hang out with me. She's definitely "easier" in the sense that she doesn't demand my interaction as much as Joran did at her age or does now. They are so different!
Jolene =)
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