Breathing for Pleasure

Do flowers in a meadow believe that they are flowers...
or do they believe they are the meadow?
And when the sky looks at the Earth, what does it believe about itself?
Can I look at you and believe that I am anything different?

I believe that the inner work of the parent, rather than the outer work on the child, lies at the core of successful parenting. Am I radical? What is life as we know it without: punishments, rewards, "good job," time out, "because I'm the Mom," naughty or nice behavior??? Gosh, if I let go of these beliefs, Santa Claus would vanish! Or maybe, like Santa Claus, they are all illusions. Illusions of control.

Letting go scares the bejesus out of my little me who scrapes and claws to grasp onto reason, and be right about it, too. Big Me laughs at little me and scoops her up in those All Knowing arms, whispering reassurance that letting go is the only way to joy. Letting go is the only way to fully connect to my children, my spouse, my neighbors, my family, all of the people I love... all of the people... and to remember that we were never separated at all!

Today I am letting go of ever feeling helpless victimhood, letting go of needing to be right, letting go of guilt, letting go of anyone elses idea of me, letting go of anyone elses journey. Today I promise to do all the things I ever dreamed of and to live for those dreams in every moment. Today I promise to let Joy be my guiding light, and to shine, shine, shine!

Blessings to all!

Jolene =)

I am the light I believe myself to be!

Always Something

There's so much going on lately, externally and internally. I wish I would remember to jot down notes, so I could blog about all of it. John said to me the other day, "I see you have not blogged since mid-February..." Blah, blah, blah! Oh, yes, all I'm doing all day is sitting around with my bon-bons in front of the TV! So, here I am blogging, because John made me feel guilty. My grandmother would be so proud.

I'm not going to include a lot of pictures of the garden, because it mostly just looks like a lot of dirt, still. Things are just starting to bloom, I've rearranged a lot and planted several new plants from friends, from Costco and from local nurseries. I did get this magnolia, which somehow speaks to my soul's memories of the deep south. The scent is heavenly and the blossoms whisper of purity and passion.

I want to create a magical garden. I think I'm off to a good start with a mix of delightful, romantic, whimsical and airy plants. A slight breeze brings enchanting music from our chimes, and I finally put up our gorgeous bell from Arizona along with a hummingbird feeder. Yes, we have hummingbirds here. Mostly the Scarlet Rufus, I think it's called. We call it "Ooh, look at that!" And there are white butterflies and large buzzing bumblebees, little chickadees (nesting over our front door), the coos from our doves, the clucks from the chickens, the smell of the pines... and the dirt! Wow! The smell of real earth makes me feel so strong and healthy!

Jasmijn and Joran are growing as fast as the plants. They are so fun! Joran now has a weekly playmate, which gives me a chance to garden, clean house, read, watch TV, make calls... and blog. Jasmijn is not used to her, yet, but hopefully John and I will get some dates soon.

Oma and Opa arrive next week from The Netherlands. Oma will stay for 2 weeks and Opa for 4. We'll spend a lot of time at home and get jobs done around here, and we'll probably make a trip to Walmart, their favorite American store. We'll take them out to eat, they'll share a meal and not be able to finish it together. Everything's bigger in America!

My latest revelation started about a month ago. I had a spectacular moment of seeing my life as a movie and feeling like it was just entertainment -- I could enjoy it or just walk out and go to another movie... or make my own movie. It was so freeing! Sometimes people talk about "forgiving" hurts from the past, and I suppose that was what this moment was, but it felt more like just letting go. It seems that if I were to forgive someone or something, I would have to judge it first, so this "letting go" was more like letting go of judgement, therefore there was not even any need to "forgive." Wonderful! Self-exploration is a trip!

Best to all!

Jolene =)

Wisdom While Weeding

I always have inspiration while weeding. I was out in the garden to get certain things done today, but the weeds called to me, so I had to go. This is what came to me:

HAPPINESS is not meant to be a goal, but a moment-by-moment CHOICE.

Reaching for dreams/goals is great, and we can be happy when we get there, but I don't believe achievement creates happiness. I believe happiness is available to all of us in any moment we choose it, and we are more likely to feel happy when we reach our goals if we are happy along the way.

Dongelmans/McClain family reunion in Gouda, The Netherlands

Two grandpas

Dreams and Doings

So, I'm evolving. Yeah, aren't you? Aren't we all? Thank goodness!

This journey never ends, will never end. It never gets done. Thank goodness!

There will always be new thoughts to think, new desires to chase, new dreams unfolding. Thank Goodness!

Right now, new and fresh, in an effort to sum up my story as of today, this is who I am. Hot on the heels of self-discovery, soaring on the winds of change, enjoying the view, diving in to get a closer look at: horticulture, sustainability, raw foods, energy and magic, art and love.

Okay, I love looking at plants, thinking about plants, digging up plants, playing in the dirt, moving plants, sowing seeds, hording seeds, organizing seeds, making lists of my plans and then going out and forgetting about the lists entirely. I just hung a new, page-long "to do" list on my wall. Ha! We'll see about that! I love gardening! Rain or shine, but hopefully not snow! Well, okay, John loves the snow, so I can do without the gardening for a couple months. That's when I get a chance to thumb through my mile-high stack of plant notes, pictures and writings.

Now, I'm feeling the urge to extend my fever for nature to the fauna sort. We have chickens. I'm not big on eggs, but these sure taste better than the ones from the store, and are more yellow, too. Then the chickens give great poop for the garden, of course. When the weather warms up, they could also make a nice economics project for Joran. I'm thinking "Organic Eggs $3" and "Homemade Lemonade $1." He's 5, he should work for his money. Heck! When I was his age....

Since I have sustainability on my mind, and Opa (John's Dad), once a butcher, will be here in the spring, I was just thinking, maybe he can teach me some of his trade. What else am I going to do with those old chickens?

I might have to save the chickens for John, Joran and Jasmijn, because I've also had raw foods on my mind for months. Just exploring the idea for now. I certainly love the idea of taking my foods from seed and being able to eat them, full of the nutrients from the land I've worked and the love I've added.

I got to go to the Northwest Flower and Garden Show again! I started out Saturday with Jasmijn. She was great, and let me sit through 2 lectures. The gardens were so fun and the children's section is getting bigger, so when a friend offered free tickets, I knew I had to come back Sunday with Joran. He ended up loving it! We got caterpillars, which will be butterflies in a couple weeks. We saw a dinosaur in a garden and got to explore a garden of monsters, made from plants and old gardening tools. I bought some reversible dresses for Jasmijn. You can see them in the pictures here. One has fairies/dragonflies, the other has guitars/skulls.

The love, art, energy and magic of life are everywhere! Living in connection with it rocks! Sometimes it seems like a choice between feeling good or being right, but when I surrender, feeling good is so right!

Hey, Joran is 5 and he had his first ever birthday party! He was pretty specific about how it would be. He would only invite a small number of friends and he made sure to tell me exactly what he did not want. He picked out party decorations and approved food, and of course wanted to know all about what would be happening with the presents. Joran likes to know exactly what is going on and how. I was nervous, but we all ended up having a lot of fun!

All happiness!

Jolene =)

So Girly

Jasmijn found one of my purses on the day the movers brought our stuff. She had to take it with her everywhere for a couple days. I didn't want to accidently lose it, so we went to Toys R Us to let her pick out her own. She now has a pink bag with Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella on the front. Joran even found a few things at Target that he said she had to have for her purse: a tiny Sleeping Beauty doll and a perfectly pink Sleeping Beauty cell phone.

Joran also found Jasmijn's beads and sparkly skirts. From first sighting, Jasmijn has loved the beads, delights everytime she sees them, and puts them on herself first thing every morning. I think she's had up to 14 on at any one time.

Caution: Close proximity may induce melting!

Baby Steps

Jasmijn is walking now, and watching her is a hoot! It's also beautiful! Scott Noelle just reminded me of a fun quote on his free newsletter, The Daily Groove:

Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly the first time.

I love for things to go perfectly and often don't even begin for fear of mistakes. The lesson I'm taking from my daughter is that the wobbly steps can be the most delightful. The tumbles can simply be registered as information on how to adjust things for the next try. And move on!

So, in the spirit of a child, I will forget about judging myself harshly and delight in the adventure of everyday life!

Happy 2010!!!

Jolene =)

Making It Home

Back in the USA!

Where kids can get rowdy,

make some noise,

and have some amazing adventures!

With chickens!

We're cookin'!

Not the chickens.

MAKES A GIRL FEEL FREEEE!

The Stool

Late at night. Ready to turn off the lights. Jasmijn thinks it's a good time to move furniture. That's my girl!

"So, I've seen one of these before."

"I think Joran gets up on it like this."

"I can do it too!"

"Yep, definitely a keeper!"

Is this normal?

...uuummm...

This is what we deal with on a daily basis.

Jolene ;-)

Starting Up Again

Funny, after I wrote this title, I realized how many things it applies to in my life now. I'm "starting up" the blog again after several weeks of silence. We're starting up old friendships, finding new life in them. We're starting up new friendships as we grow the fabulous community we moved back to. After coming down from the stress of great transition, we spent some time relaxing and settling in. Now we're starting up a new life.

There is so much to be said about the last 2 months... not to mention the last 2 years! I always love to include pictures on the blog, but I haven't gotten around to downloading any recently. I haven't actually taken many since we've been back. The experience of the last 2 years has touched us profoundly, and I may be able to describe many of our experiences and share many of our thoughts, but I will never be able to put into words the matrix of change within.

We're all doing well and feeling healthy. John loves his job. Joran loves his new playmates. Jasmijn never leaves my side. I'm loving this life. We're doing a master bed and bath remodel and getting new carpets before our container arrives.

Looking forward to more blogging and photos,
Jolene =)