Saturday, May 9, 2009


I wrote this to one of my online groups the same day that I posted my last entry here. I thought it would make a good tag-along to my last blog entry.

I was listening to Scott Noelle (a parenting coach from The Pacific Northwest) and thinking about how our "shadows" show up in parenting. It's pretty easy to beat myself up for those shadows, but ironically, it's embracing and appreciating the shadow that gives it a home so it doesn't end up as my children's baggage.

I find that recognizing those shadows as survival techniques from my childhood, and knowing that they served me then, really makes me feel good about them. I also see how the more aggressive shadows help me as an adult to stand up for myself instead of playing into the meek, victimy, gotta-be-a-good-girl shadows. All of the shadows are skills that I've developed and they have served a purpose at one time or another. It is good to acknowledge that and then go on to releasing them, knowing I do not need them to protect myself from my children.... Duh!

It's just like trying to use a hammer on a screw. The shadow is the hammer, a very useful tool, but useless and damaging when used in the wrong way. I hope I have the wisdom and courage and stillness within to use these thoughts when I need them next.

Jolene =)

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